Some people believe that longer prison sentences are the best ways to decrease crime while others believe that there are alternative ways to decrease crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Statistics in 2009 showed that stroke and cardiovascular diseases were one of the leading causes of mortality among Korean females (Office, 2009). Excessive accumulation of visceral fat and menopause are likely to
associate
Wrong verb form
be associated
show examples
with an increased risk of developing cardiovascular diseases(Dagenais et al., 2005; Rosano, Vitale, Marazzi, & Volterrani, 2007). The author believes that mobile technology is a potential solution to resolve
this
problem but only a few studies were conducted to test the effectiveness of mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
or
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
on diabetes or obesity care. The objective of
this
study
is to assess how
efficient
Change the word
efficiently
show examples
a mobile text-based
intervention
and
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
can help post-menopausal
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
with abdominal obesity reduce waist circumference (
WC
), body weight (
BW
), blood pressure (
BP
), fasting plasma glucose (FPG) and serum lipid levels. Population
This
is a quasi-experimental
study
that compares
baseline
data with results after the 12-week
intervention
. Participants were post-menopausal women
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
were diagnosed with abdominal obesity,
according to
WHO definition, and were recruited from an urban hospital in South Korea(World Health Organization. Regional Office for the Western, 2000).
Initially
, 79 subjects participated but only 67 subjects completed the
study
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
subjects were divided into two
groups
including
intervention
Correct article usage
an intervention
show examples
group (
IG
) with 34 participants and
control
Correct article usage
a control
show examples
group (
CG
) with 33 people. Patients with clinical health issues or
experienced
Correct pronoun usage
who experienced
show examples
changes in the treatment process during the
intervention
or did not complete the
study
were excluded.
Intervention
At
first,
IG
was requested to self-monitor their
WC
,
BW
,
BP
, diet and exercise information and input these data into the
study
website weekly. Experts will provide personal recommendations on diet and exercises based on the input data.
Secondly
,
IG
will
also
receive three weekly text messages through their cellular phone. The first 2 texts are about motivation and encouragement for lifestyle change and the
last
message are sent to
both
mobile phone and the Internet as a recommendation about diet and exercise based on the performance of participant throughout the week.
CG
did not receive any treatment. Comparator Comparison was made between pre and
post result
Add a hyphen
post-result
show examples
and between 2
groups
Outcome The primary outcomes include
WC
,
BW
,
BP
FPG and serum lipids including TC, TG, HDL-C and LDL-C were
measure
Wrong verb form
measured
show examples
in
both
group
Change to a plural noun
groups
show examples
(
IG
and
CG
) before and after the 12-week
intervention
. Demographic information was
also
collected at the
baseline
in
both
groups
. Different statistical analysis methods were applied in
this
study
(SPSS, software, chi-square, unpaired t-test and paired t-tests). Result No significant differences in demographic factors and primary outcomes between
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
groups
at the
baseline
.
IG
experienced a significant decline in the mean of
WC
,
BW
and
BP
(
both
systolic and diastolic pressure) after 12 weeks compared to the
baseline
while
the
WC
and
BW
increased significantly in
CG
. The difference in
WC
,
BW
and
BP
between
IG
and
CG
is significant after 12 weeks of
intervention
. FPG was not significantly different between
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
groups
after
intervention
. The TC and LDL-C
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
of
IG
declined significantly
while
CG
experienced a significant rise in TC compared to the
baseline
.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • incarceration
  • recidivism
  • deterrence
  • rehabilitation
  • restorative justice
  • probation
  • community service
  • incapacitate
  • social programs
  • root causes
  • accountability
  • punitive measures
  • preventive measures
  • recidivist
  • vocational programs
What to do next:
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