Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with statement?

People
have divergent views towards whether both
schools
and
parents
have
responsibility
Add an article
a responsibility
the responsibility
show examples
to shoulder the
problem
that nowadays
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
of
children
have an unhealthy
lifestyle
.Some
people
firmly believe that
schools
and
parents
shouldn’t since there are still
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
other factors which will lead to unhealthy lifestyles formed like the rapid development of
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
.
However
,some other
people
who hold the same opinions
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
me deeply believe that they certainly should. The
first
reason why I believe that
parents
are
response
Add an article
a response
show examples
to
work
out the
problem
that numerous
children
have an unhealthy
lifestyle
is that
parents
were at fault that they didn’t set good examples in front of
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
children
in the
variety
Replace the word
various
show examples
aspects of living habits since most of
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
nowadays don’t have
an
Change the article
a
show examples
healthy
lifestyle
.
In other words
,
children
imitated their
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
bad
lifestyle
which
leaded
Correct your spelling
led
show examples
to the
formed
Replace the word
formation
show examples
of their unhealthy lifestyles.To be more specific,
children
will
Correct your spelling
tend
show examples
trend
Correct your spelling
tend
show examples
to stay up late if
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
parents
always
work
overtime or watch TV plays until dawn since they will think is a common thing to sleep late;
children
will drink coffee which is bad for their brains’
developments
Fix the agreement mistake
development
show examples
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
if their
parents
drink coffee all the
time
and everywhere just like drinking water since
children
will think coffee is healthy;
children
will hardly exercise if their
parents
always lay on the sofas during the relaxing times since
children
won’t know the benefits from exercise. The
second
reason why I believe that
schools
are
Add an article
a response
show examples
response
Replace the word
responsible
show examples
to
work
out the
problem
that numerous
children
have an unhealthy
lifestyle
is that they give
children
a large amount of stress that
students
could only afford through the way of
give
Change the verb form
giving
show examples
up their own
time
.
In other words
,
students
who
under
Add a missing verb
are under
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
huge pressure given
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
academic performance will squeeze individual
time
to study in order to release
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
pressure to some extent.To be more specific,
students
will sleep below 6 hours if
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
schools
told them they should consciously do additional questions after finis98hing the homework since
students
will stay up late to do a large amount of extra
work
although
they have to go to school on 6am tomorrow;
students
will always eat fast food if their teachers told them they should improve their action efficiency to save
time
for studying since
children
will choose fast food to eat in order to recite one more page of words than their classmates every day;
children
will sit on the chairs studying all the day if
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
schools
will publish everyone’s scores after each exam since
students
will refuse to take breaks in order to save more
time
for studying with the aim of
get
Change the verb form
getting
show examples
a good place.For
examples
Fix the agreement mistake
example
show examples
,my little
sisters
Fix the agreement mistake
sister
show examples
,who just celebrated her 10th birthday yesterday,is under
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
huge pressure given by her
schools
which will publicly
criticizing
Wrong verb form
criticise
show examples
students
who have failed
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
examinations.And she
eat
Change the verb form
eats
show examples
instant noodles and
stay
Change the verb form
stays
show examples
up late
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
to maintain
academic
Correct pronoun usage
her academic
show examples
performance. To sum up,both
schools
and
parents
are
response
Add an article
a response
show examples
to shoulder the
problem
that nowadays
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
of
children
have an unhealthy
lifestyle
due to the fact that
parents
were at fault that they didn’t set good examples in front of
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
children
in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
variety
Replace the word
various
show examples
aspects of living habits and
schools
give
children
a large amount of stress that
students
could only afford through the way of
give
Change the verb form
giving
show examples
up their own
time
.
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Your opinion

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unhealthy lifestyle
  • growing concern
  • crucial role
  • addressing this issue
  • promote healthy habits
  • educational programs
  • physical activities
  • establish healthy routines
  • nutritious meals
  • collaboration
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