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Band 5

Providing a national system in a country where the unemployed receive a regular payment only encourages people not to seek work and puts an unreasonable strain on a country’s financial resources. Discuss this statement and give your opinion.

#system #country #payment #people #work #strain #country’s #resources
Providing
a
Remove the article
apply
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financial
aid
 to unemployed
people
 is mostly found in developed countries mainly in Europe. I support
this
 initiative only when the funds are given to the right group of
people
. We all need help at some point in our life,
people
 lose
jobs
 unexpectedly at some point in life
for example
 during a pandemic some
people
 lose
jobs
 due to lockdown when some businesses close down due to lack of income flowing into the business, those unemployed
people
 who lost their
jobs
 will need help from the
government
Add the comma(s)
,
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In my opinion, the financial help from the
government
 should only be given for a stipulated time frame
for example
 for only 3months
inorder
Correct your spelling
in order
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 to motivate
people
 to look for other
jobs
 fast, knowing that the
aid
 will not be provided forever.If the financial
aid
 does not have an
Correct your spelling
expiry
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expire
Replace the word
expiration
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 date
this
 will cause a strain on the
government
 because a lot of
people
 will become lazy and expect the
government
 to help them. The financial
aid
 should
also
 be specific and state
on
Change preposition
under
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 which circumstances
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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people
 get help from the
government
,
like
Replace the word
as
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 mentioned in the above paragraph, during pandemics
people
 lose
jobs
, another circumstance can be when one is seriously injured or sick and can not be able to perform any work permanently or temporarily the
government
 will need to help
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 the person is fit for work. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 agree with
government
aid
 as long it is not
Correct your spelling
overused
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over used
Correct your spelling
overused
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 and strained to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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help
people
really
Correct pronoun usage
who really
show examples
 need it.
On the other hand
,
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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 are capable of working but lazy should not be eligible for
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government
aid
 that could benefit the development of the country
such
 as
construction
Add an article
the construction
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 of roads and health centres that benefits all the citizens.
Submitted by tsungaimukozho on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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