IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that the only way to get success is to go to universities while others think that it depends on other factors. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #success #universities #factors
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There are controversial perspectives heating up a debate over how to become fruitful.
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While some
Correct word choice
Some
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 hold a strong view that digesting precious insights in institutions is the sole approach to
Wrong verb form
achieving
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achieve
Wrong verb form
achieving
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 high accomplishments. The opposite makes a statement that various elements make a great contribution to success.
While
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 each has its own perks, I would contend that it is optimal to combine both mentioned factors. Without a shadow of a doubt, it is essential for
people
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 to have a learning journey at
colleges
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college
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 to make
a
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apply
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high
achievement
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achievements
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. And
this
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 is probably because universities can give
people
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 a great deal of fundamentally decent knowledge which is relatively convenient for their jobs.
For instance
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, Marketing, Business Administration and Finance can be cited as compelling examples for
people
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 to have more opportunities to be employed by leading companies.
Thus
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, getting
to
Change preposition
into
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 institutions
brings
Verb problem
has
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 a great effect on
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people’s
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 fruitfulness.
While
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 the necessity of absorbing useful insights in academies is widely acknowledged,
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people’s
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 success
also
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 relies heavily on other factors, especially skills.
Since if
Correct word choice
If
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people
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 have their own skills, they can rapidly bring
values
Fix the agreement mistake
value
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 to their company without losing time in training.
For instance
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, if they have negotiation
skill
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skills
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, they can easily sign a contract with customers by persuading them to utilize services.
Therefore
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, sets of skills make an immense contribution to
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people’s
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accomplishment
Fix the agreement mistake
accomplishments
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. In conclusion,
while
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 learning in
colleges
Fix the agreement mistake
college
show examples
bring
Verb problem
has
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 a tremendous impact on
Use synonyms
people’s
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 fruitfulness, there are other elements which can
also
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 affect success
such
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 as helpful negotiation
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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Task Achievement
Introduction: While the introduction presents the topic well, consider precisely stating your position at the beginning to guide the reader more effectively.
Task Achievement
Body Paragraphs: Make sure to complete your examples. For instance, the finance and marketing example was left unfinished, weakening your argument. Fully developed examples strengthen your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence: You established a logical flow; however, transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs can be smoother with phrases such as 'on the other hand' or 'additionally'. This aids in guiding the reader through your argument more seamlessly.
Task Achievement
Conclusion: You have succinctly summarized your points and reiterated your position. Including a forward-thinking statement or a call to action could make your conclusion even more compelling.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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