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Writing Samples
Band 5

Students in some countries leave school without good understanding of how to manage their money, What do you think are the reasons ?What are the solutions to this problem?

#students #countries #school #money
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Nowadays, many
students
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don’t
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 have good management
for
Change preposition
of
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 their
money
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 when they leave school in some countries.
However
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, whether young
people
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 need to learn how to manage their
money
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 is a controversial problem. In my opinion, college should provide a subject to teach
people
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 how to manage
money
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 and the
students
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 need to learn
this
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 knowledge. It is obvious that young
people
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 who
living
Change the form of the verb
live
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 in
this
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 world which is full of information are easy attracted by anything else.
That
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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means they often buy something that they really
don’t
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 need. So , they always spend
out
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apply
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their
money
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 very fast.
For example
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,
students
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 like eating at
Add an article
a restaurant
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restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
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 without cooking by themselves,
like
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apply
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playing games and like watching movies, these hobbies need them to spend lots of
money
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.
Therefore
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, if their parents give the
money
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 to them, perhaps they will
use
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 out in a few days. The simple reason
of
Change preposition
for
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this
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 situation is when they get the
money
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, they
don’t
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 know how to make a plan to
use
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 it. They
don’t
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 it is extremely important to care
their
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about their
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 wealth. Lack of knowledge from school, because the colleges only teach them academic subjects. While if the
students
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 know how to
use
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 their
money
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 with
suitable
Add an article
the suitable
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method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
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 will benefit
for
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apply
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themselves
Correct pronoun usage
them
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. With technology developing, more and more methods can be used for
many
Correct your spelling
any
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money
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.
Such
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 as
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
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fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
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 online,
invest
Wrong verb form
investing
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 in
financial
Replace the word
finances
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,
even
Correct word choice
and even
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 saving
money
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 in
bank
Add an article
a bank
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 account. So colleges could create a new
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
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 to teach
students
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 how to deal with their
money
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. Meanwhile,
students
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 can learn and practice to improve
the
Change the word
their
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 skills. In conclusion, managing
money
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 is
a
Change the article
an
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 important skill for all
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young
people
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. It can make them
use
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 their
money
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with
Change preposition
in
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correct
Correct article usage
the correct
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 way. Having
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 skills can
also
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 create
a
Change the article
an
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 opportunity to find
job
Add an article
a job
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 in
their
Change the word
the
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 future.
Submitted by kevin. B on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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