IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Stress-related illness are becoming increasingly common. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

#illness
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Various types of sickness caused due to
stress
Use synonyms
 are becoming very common among people.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the main causes of
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
 including long working hours and very early financial
pressure
Use synonyms
 on
students
Use synonyms
 due to
education
Use synonyms
loans
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
also
Linking Words
 discuss the solutions to these problems
such
Linking Words
 as proper work-life balance and
interest free
Add a hyphen
interest-free
show examples
education
Use synonyms
loans
Use synonyms
. The
first
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
 to discuss is the long and stressful working hours where people are constantly under
pressure
Use synonyms
. The industry tends to be very demanding and requires people who can handle constant and a lot of
burden
Change to a plural noun
burdens
show examples
.
Correct your spelling
A lot
Alot
Correct your spelling
A lot
 of employees undergo
immense
Add an article
an immense
show examples
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of anxiety and
stress
Use synonyms
 due to
this
Linking Words
 as
this
Linking Words
 totally disrupts their life in the workplace as well as in their homes.
Solution
Add an article
The solution
A solution
show examples
 to
this
Linking Words
 might be a proper check and balance in the workplace as well as mental health improvement sessions in these environments so that the employees do not fall sick due
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 non-stop tension. The
second
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
 to discuss is the burden of
loans
Use synonyms
 under which
students
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 causes great
stress
Use synonyms
 among them as they have to study and worry about paying a large amount of debt. A student has to deal with a lot of educational tension already. Many
students
Use synonyms
 fall into depression and other sicknesses due to increasing interest on their student
loans
Use synonyms
 as they had not paid off the money. The
pressure
Use synonyms
 of
education
Use synonyms
 combined with that of
loans
Use synonyms
 makes
students
Use synonyms
 experience great
stress
Use synonyms
 that they have to handle. In my opinion, the solution to
this
Linking Words
 particular
problem
Use synonyms
 is that if the government has to give
education
Use synonyms
loans
Use synonyms
 to
students
Use synonyms
, at least make them interest-free.
Students
Use synonyms
 are not employed full-time and need money to complete their
education
Use synonyms
 which is their basic right. In conclusion, I would like to state that there is no life without
stress
Use synonyms
, but if an individual has to undergo a tremendous amount of
stress
Use synonyms
 and
pressure
Use synonyms
 constantly,
this
Linking Words
 could easily give rise to a lot of health problems
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 any stage of life.
Submitted by usman.ghani4501 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: