IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The leaders of most organizations tend to be older people. However, some argue that younger people make better bosses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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To run an
organization
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 good mental state and communication skills are a must, whether the person is young or old. some
people
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 believe young leaders could be better for a
company
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. I partly agree with the view and present my thoughts in upcoming paragraphs. On the one hand, In
this
Linking Words
 advanced ,era young
people
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 are suitable for leading positions. To illustrate, for a
company
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according to
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 time technological changes are needed for growth, which youth leaders could make possible because old
people
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 often struggle to use technology.
Furthermore
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, the strict behaviour of an old boss in an
organization
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lacks
Verb problem
fails
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 to
make
Verb problem
build
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 good relationships with employees, which makes young ones good candidates for
this
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 position.
For instance
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, in
companies
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 like Microsoft and Google, when young CEOs
handle
Wrong verb form
handled
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 the command
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then
Rephrase
apply
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the whole working criteria were changed and it was found that most of the employees were happy to be part of the
company
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.
On the other hand
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, for a long ,time old
people
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 are holding a position in various
companies
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. There are numerous reasons behind
this
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,
Firstly
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, many times
companies
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 face stressful or worst economic situations where mostly old
people
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 handle it calmly and hold employees together to stay with the
company
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the old boss in an
organization
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 has the ability to run a
company
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 for a long time and the experience they have could take a
company
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 towards success.
For example
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,
according to
Linking Words
 research in
this
Linking Words
 ,
world
Add a comma
world,
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 the majority of successful
companies
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 have old
people
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 who hold high positions in the
company
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.
To conclude
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, in an
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organization
Add a comma
organization,
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 anyone could make a good leader, but it depends on their hard work or experience and communication as well. For a good ,boss it is necessary to stay updated with the latest information and they should focus more on employee satisfaction because
company
Use synonyms
 growth depends on employee growth.

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task response
The introduction should clearly state the writer's position on the issue and outline the key points that will be discussed in the essay. The conclusion needs to summarize the main points and reiterate the writer's position.
coherence and cohesion
There is a lack of clear progression from one idea to the next, and some ideas are not developed in a cohesive manner. The use of linking words and phrases is limited, and there is a need for more varied and sophisticated cohesive devices.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • strategic decision-making
  • crisis management
  • innovative ideas
  • adaptable
  • tech-savvy
  • digital transformation
  • complex situations
  • high-pressure decisions
  • empathy
  • patience
  • strategic foresight
  • authoritative
  • collaborative work culture
  • dynamic
  • inclusive organizational culture
  • ageism
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