IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

People who read for pleasure in their free time have a better imagination than those who prefer to watch TV. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #pleasure #time #imagination #tv
Few masses believe that reading material about
topic
Correct article usage
a topic
show examples
 of your interest improves
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 fascination
instead
of
Change preposition
apply
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watching videos in
leisure
Correct pronoun usage
their leisure
show examples
time
.
Although
 some people argue that watching TV improves
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication skills.
This
 essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of both points followed by my opinion. To commence with, people who read
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
books to enjoy have
better
Add an article
a better
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 imagination. To explain, books have a lot of material on every matter and if someone reads the topics which
attracts
Change the verb form
attract
show examples
 him most, increases his knowledge in that area.
Moreover
, he could completely focus on
the
Correct article usage
a
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 single topic during his free
time
. While
a
Remove the article
apply
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television
 has specific schedules and not depends on someone’s leisure
time
.
For instance
, a person likes historical events, if he chose to read
the
Correct article usage
a
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 book he can spend
whole
Correct pronoun usage
his whole
show examples
time
 on it.
As a result
, he would get more knowledge because he is spending more
time
 on
unique
Add an article
the unique
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subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
television
 improves
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication skills as well as knowledge. To elaborate, due to visual effects and vocal presentation one can learn much more from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
television
.
Although
, people need to adjust according to TV
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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they could visualize better
then
Replace the word
than
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 reading.
For example
,
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
folk who likes geography, a video clip on any certain area will give him more information rather than reading a book.
Hence
, he could
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a better imagination about that place. To conclude,
although
 reading books give you more information on
single
Add an article
a single
show examples
 topic,
yet
Correct word choice
apply
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television
 is
also
 playing its role in building fascination
to
Change preposition
in
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 individuals. In my opinion, there should be an amalgamation of both sources of information to complete the personality.
Submitted by qaisarch on

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