Studies show that many criminals have a low level of education. For this reason, people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate people in prison so they can get a job when leave prison. Do you agree or disagree?

Crime
rate is a matter of considerable public concern. There are several
researches
Change the wording
types of research
pieces of research
kinds of research
show examples
to show that
low
Correct article usage
a low
show examples
level of
education
causes many
criminals
. So
people
think that the practical
way
to reduce
crime
is that
criminals
should be educated to make sure they can find a job when they leave
prison
. As far as I am concerned, I think educating
criminals
is a good
way
to reduce
crime
to some extent. On the one hand,
education
can help
criminals
find jobs.
People
who have
not
Add the particle
tonot
show examples
acquire
Wrong verb form
acquired
show examples
more
education
are harder to find a high-income or stable job than those
people
who have a high level of
education
. When they have no
way
to make living, they are easier to become a criminal, like a thief. So these
people
in
prison
can be educated
some
Change preposition
in some
show examples
practical skills to make sure they can
good
Add a missing verb
be good
show examples
at something in some fields, which can help them find
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work in the job market when they leave
prison
. It can reduce
crime
especially reducing the
people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
show examples
who leave
prison
try
Fix the infinitive
to try
show examples
again
becoming
Change preposition
to becoming
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminals’ rate
Change noun form
criminals
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
education
can ensure that
criminals
know information from the outside world. Educating
people
in
prison
can make sure that they can follow the pace of
society
.
criminals
be
Change the verb form
are
show examples
punished and stay
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prison
so that they have no
way
to acquire information about
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
of the world.
Thus
,
criminals
know news about
other area
Change the wording
another area
other areas
show examples
only
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
some regular ways. In
china
Change the capitalization
China
show examples
,
criminals
are permitted to watch TV, read books and have lectures about how to involve in
society
at the prescribed time.
Also
, they are educated to have a special
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
like fixing machines, making shoes and so on. These methods can make sure those
criminals
knowing
Wrong verb form
know
show examples
information about other
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
and
easily
Replace the word
easy
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
integrate into
society
when they leave
prison
. All in all, educating
criminals
to make sure they have practical skills to make living is a good
way
to reduce
crime
.
Besides
,
education
can make sure they can follow
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
pace when they leave
prison
.
Submitted by surui1999 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: