Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. Do you agree or disagree?

Having said that
money
is the most vital factor to achieve
happiness
, while others argue that it is not relatable to
money
. I strongly believe that other factors have their value as
money
has in being happy.
This
is argued that
money
is the main tool for feeling ecstatic in
life
.
Money
has the power to bring
happiness
to us since it boosts the quality of our lives. In the other words, everything
that is
worth
such
as glamorous houses and state-of-the-art cars, which have a direct positive effect on our emotions, required a great deal of
money
.
Moreover
, the other power of
money
is that it can deal with most challenges in
life
. If
people
have financial problems namely, debates or were not able to afford their
lives
Change the noun form
life
show examples
expenditures
such
as renting a home, they must not be satisfied with their circumstances,
hence
it leads them to feel upset.
On the other hand
,
money
has not been considered as the dependable factor for being
thrill
Add an article
a thrill
show examples
. There are other factors as important as
money
. Having a social
life
is one of the crucial factors for
this
issue. As
human
Correct article usage
a human
show examples
being is a social creature, he needs to be in relationships with other
people
to accommodate their spiritual needs which cannot be solved with
money
.
For instance
, the need to love others and be loved by others, lift
people
’s mood up, spectacularly. From my perspective,
people
would not feel
happiness
in their lives unless being calm, which is mean that
in addition
to
money
, being away from anxiety and stress is vital.
However
, some
people
on the way to
reach
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
a decent
life
, lose their calm and draw to make more
money
. In conclusion,
although
there is an argument about
money
which is a paramount factor for reaching
happiness
, I contend that there are some other issues which should be considered
such
as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
being far away from stressful situations.
Submitted by nilanbarzadeh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: