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New technologies have changed the way children spend their leisure time. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#technologies #children #leisure #time
Recently, it has been widely believed that
time
Correct article usage
the time
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spending
Replace the word
spent
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of
Change preposition
by
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 teenagers of
this
 era is affected by new technologies which were developed and changed the way of actual activities of people. Certainly,
this
 viewpoint offers both benefits and drawbacks which will be described in the following paragraphs before
conclusion
Add an article
a conclusion
the conclusion
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 is reached.
To begin
 with, undeniably, depending new technologies led the vital merits to people living, one of all is
extenuation
Correct article usage
the extenuation
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 of searching worldwide information arduousness in term of education with internet networks and laptops which is the lifting of life quality standard.
In other words
, users are able to manage their
time
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and receive quality consequences and suitable quantity information efficiently which
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is
the
Correct article usage
an
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 enormous
changing
Replace the word
change
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
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 children’s leisure spending
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
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.
For example
, improving
children
Change noun form
children's
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 knowledge which there were many complicated steps in the past,
such
 as only receiving data from libraries directly, but these developed technologies were created more convenience currently, namely researching accumulated information from around the globe on
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 world immediately which can be assumed that they usefully spend their free
time
.
On the other hand
, hastily developed technology without prudence can bring
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
demerits to kids
also
, their parents are inaccessible technological usability of their kids.
To
Change preposition
For
show examples
illustration
Replace the word
illustrate
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, there is
possibility
Add an article
the possibility
a possibility
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 that part of all teenagers will dedicate their
all
Add a hyphen
all-time
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time
 to entertainment
medias
Correct your spelling
media
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 or game applications
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 solutions
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 problem should be taken care
and
Change preposition
of and
show examples
 suggested by their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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. In conclusion,
although
 there are some drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
evolution
Add an article
the evolution
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 of
kid’s
Fix the agreement mistake
kids’
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 leisure
time
 spending
Fix the infinitive
to cause
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cause
Wrong verb form
caused
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new
Change preposition
by new
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 techs, as aforementioned reasons, we can see
that positive aspects
Change the determiner
that positive aspect
those positive aspects
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 clearly outweigh
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
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 aspects.
Submitted by fai6436 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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