IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar; which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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Nowadays, many companies have
create
Change the verb form
created
show examples
 a series of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food and beverage which contain high amounts of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
 to
Correct your spelling
compensate
compesate
Correct your spelling
compensate
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 consumers' taste.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
tend
Change the verb form
tends
show examples
 to make a society
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
full of
people
Use synonyms
 with health troubles. I completely agree with
sell
Wrong verb form
selling
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sugary
products
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a higher price. As normally we know,
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of foods and drinks
always
Add a missing verb
are always
show examples
 more tasty and awesome. The
sugar
Use synonyms
 contain in the
products
Use synonyms
 always
stimulate
Correct subject-verb agreement
stimulates
show examples
 a body hormone called dopamine, which will make
people
Use synonyms
 feel more happy and
excited
Correct quantifier usage
more excited
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 may be a reason why
people
Use synonyms
loves
Correct subject-verb agreement
love
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sugary
products
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, if a person
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
exceed
Replace the word
excessive
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
levels
Fix the agreement mistake
level
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
 will increase the blood glucose level to an abnormal level. In serious
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
show examples
, the
liver's
Change noun form
liver
show examples
 of the
people
Use synonyms
cannot
Correct pronoun usage
who cannot
show examples
 function well will
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to
diabetics
Replace the word
diabetes
show examples
 and move on to heart attack or even stroke. Few companies have
take
Change the verb form
taken
show examples
 an action by higher prices of the more
sugar
Use synonyms
 content
products
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 makes a good starting point for everyone who still
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to buy and must
paid
Change the verb form
pay
be paid
show examples
 for a higher cost.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, it can
be encourage
Change the verb form
encourage
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to think wisely and smartly before buying. For sure, it will save lots of money
on
Change preposition
by
show examples
 not buying
Correct your spelling
these
show examples
theses
Correct your spelling
these
show examples
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
products
Use synonyms
.
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, it will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
not be an
Correct your spelling
excuse
escuse
Correct your spelling
excuse
 for some
people
Use synonyms
 that want to have a less
sugar
Use synonyms
 meal as they can
afford
Correct pronoun usage
itafford
show examples
. In my conclusion,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
putting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher prices
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sugary
products
Use synonyms
 may give a good response from
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 and force them not to buy or buy lesser.
Submitted by lisapong12062003 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
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