IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays many animals are about to disappear from the earth forever. What are the causes and some solutions for this?

Both human and natural factors seriously contribute to the disappearance of most
of
Change preposition
apply
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animals
Use synonyms
 today. The majority of people currently have a tendency to hunt rare
animals
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 illegally. After a successful
hunting
Replace the word
hunt
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, they will divide the
animals
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’
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
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 into many separate parts
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as heads, horns, tusks, skins, bones and sell them to other people to earn money. Because everyone usually believes in nonsense and unreliable
rumors
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rumours
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 spreading from individuals or
organizations
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organisations
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 who are not really experts about biology, they imitate those
undependable
Correct word choice
unreliable
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informations
Correct your spelling
information
 in using
animals
Use synonyms
 for a certain purpose.
For example
Linking Words
, people frequently use Rhino horns and Tiger bones as a treatment or a medicine.
Besides
Linking Words
, other parts of those
animals
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 are used in decoration and
jewelry
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jewellery
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 or packaged as souvenirs.
In addition
Linking Words
, deforestation and pollution destroy
habitats
Correct article usage
the habitats
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 of many
animals
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, there were thousands of deforestation
occur
Wrong verb form
occurring
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 annually on Earth, so plenty of
animals
Use synonyms
’ habitats in forests were gravely
devasted
Verb problem
devastated
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, emission of smoke from factories, oil
spill
Fix the agreement mistake
spills
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, and waste disposal into the sea even lead to migration of birds and death of aquatic creatures. Natural causes cannot
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
take responsibility for
this
Linking Words
 problem. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
 have been affected by natural disasters
as well as
Linking Words
 climate change since the Earth has been
becoming
Verb problem
getting
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 hotter.
Due to
Linking Words
 global warming,
bushfire
Fix the agreement mistake
bushfires
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 took place in many areas all over the world, and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 caused abundant consequences for most
species
Use synonyms
. To tackle the problem, governments have to not only
induce more
Verb problem
enact
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 new laws, but
also
Linking Words
re-enforce
Verb problem
reinforce
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 the current laws in protecting the threatened
species
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 by promulgating heavier punishments.
Beside
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Besides
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 that, they need to care about building wildlife reserves like National
Park
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Parks
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 so that we can feed and bring up rare
species
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. Raising
citizen’s
Check wording
citizens’
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 awareness by propaganda campaigns or establishing a subject to teach the children is a really effective method.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, private
organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
show examples
 can join hands to carry out
breedings
Fix the agreement mistake
breeding
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 programs in order to increase the number of valuable
Use synonyms
animals
Fix the agreement mistake
animal
show examples
species
Use synonyms

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Task Response
Plan a clear start and end. Make a short idea of the plan in the first line and end with a short conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Group ideas in good bits. Use clear topic lines and connect words to move from one idea to the next.
strength
You show a good idea of how people run a big risk to wild life and how some parts of animals are used.
strength
You give some real examples, like horn use and fire harm to places, and talk about laws and park as help.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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