IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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A lot of foods and drinks produced in factories involve high
levels
Use synonyms
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
, which leads to various health problems. in regards to
prevent
Change the verb form
preventing
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to use, choosing
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
Use synonyms
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 on these
products
Use synonyms
 should be considered. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 solution
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and believe other main solutions should be enforced.
Higher
Add an article
The higher
show examples
Use synonyms
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 of
products
Use synonyms
 that make up
sugar
Use synonyms
 would not prevent individuals
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 less
sugar
Use synonyms
 usage. Since
people
Use synonyms
 from the middle and high Scio-economy
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 can afford to buy them that their numbers are considerably high. In the other words,
people
Use synonyms
 with an acceptable salary would not care about the
price
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 of
sugary
Add an article
the sugary
a sugary
show examples
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
Fix the agreement mistake
purchases
show examples
purchase
Correct pronoun usage
thempurchase
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
, it might have
marginal
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a marginal
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 effect on
people
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 from under privilege
society
Fix the agreement mistake
societies
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 because these
products
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 are tempting to
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
 appetite.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it would not be beneficial to rise the health of societies. From my perspective, there are other fundamental measures to be taken.
First
Linking Words
 and foremost,
government
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the government
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 should hold some programs via both mass media and workshops in order to raise
people
Use synonyms
’s awareness about the damaging effects of utilizing these
products
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, the workshops can be run with doctors to explain various diseases
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which brought, namely obesity and diabetes.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, passing laws for factories regarding
ban
Wrong verb form
banning
show examples
 consuming high
levels
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 of
sugar
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 in their
products
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, and
set
Wrong verb form
setting
show examples
standards
Change the noun form
standard
show examples
amounts
Change preposition
for amounts
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 way, the government should determine some
people
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 to enforce these
regulators
Replace the word
regulations
show examples
 on all food
manufactures
Correct your spelling
manufacturers
show examples
. In conclusion, the high
levels
Use synonyms
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
 utilized in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most manufactured
products
Use synonyms
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to some health problems, which by raising their
price
Use synonyms
, have been wanted to deter
people
Use synonyms
 to consume. I totally disagree
owning
Change preposition
with owning
show examples
 to less influence
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 it would
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, I contend that other steps should be taken,
such
Linking Words
 as giving information about detrimental consequences
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
determined
Wrong verb form
determining
show examples
 standard
levels
Use synonyms
 of utilizing
sugar
Use synonyms
 in food and drink
products
Use synonyms
.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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