IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #information #research #business #world
As the world develops
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a fast pace, sharing
information
 in scientific, academic, and business
fields
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 believed to be highly advantageous by most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
, but others oppose
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 view
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and are against sharing certain
information
 without restrictions. I strongly back up the
second
 view. Open
access
 to all
information
 can help the progression process in mentioned
fields
. We have been seeing the effect of wide
information
 sharing after the advent of Covid-19 disease. All the papers published during
this
 pandemic were reachable
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 all scientists,
academic
Fix the agreement mistake
academics
show examples
people
 and businessmen.
This
 led to
innovation
Add an article
the innovation
show examples
 of Covid vaccines as the
scientists
Change to a genitive case
scientist's
scientists'
show examples
Correct your spelling
read
show examples
red
Correct your spelling
read
show examples
 academic papers, and developed ideas.
This
 is when businessmen got informed about vaccines because of these
open
Add a hyphen
open-access
show examples
access
 papers and could invest money in drug companies for mass production. On the opposite side, many
people
 working in the mentioned
fields
, argue that
carefree
Correct article usage
the carefree
show examples
 publication of certain
information
 is not ethical and can cause plagiarism and idea theft.
By
Change preposition
With
show examples
 the advent of the Internet
now a days
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
 it is possible for everybody to make
an
Remove the article
information
a piece of information
show examples
information
 viral.
This
 means that
people
 can publish data collected by others in these
fields
 by their own name. Some
information
 could be very dangerous if given to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 wrong person. Not all
people
 are philanthropists and they tend to misuse
information
 for evil purposes.
For instance
, in academic science certain elements like Lithium are used to make medicine but
also
 could be used as a toxin in higher doses. Or
an
Remove the article
information
a piece of information
show examples
information
 about how to detect fraud in business life could be a big help for those planning to fool investors. It could be concluded from above that while open
access
 to
information
 could lead to
further
 findings and progression in science, academic, and business life,
Add a hyphen
over-sharing
show examples
over sharing
Add a hyphen
over-sharing
show examples
 some
information
 could lead to idea theft, and use of
information
 for non-human aims;
therefore
, I believe that
access
 to certain
information
 should be restricted.
Submitted by amin.pi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
What to do next:
Look at other essays: