IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Today, some people think that universities should accept equal numbers of female and male in every subject. Others believe that this is an unacceptable policy. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #universities #numbers #policy
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
show examples
Nowaday
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
show examples
, some people
think
Add the particle
tothink
show examples
accept
Wrong verb form
accepting
show examples
 equal numbers of male and female
students
Use synonyms
 in every subject in
universities
Use synonyms
 can bring many changes but
beside
Replace the word
besides
show examples
 that others believe that
this
Linking Words
 is an unrealistic
policy
Use synonyms
. In my point of view,
this
Linking Words
policy
Use synonyms
 is not possible in the era of 4.0
This
Linking Words
policy
Use synonyms
 can promote gender equality.
Then
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of boys and
girls
Use synonyms
 in the class is equal, the boys and
girls
Use synonyms
 will have the same benefits
such
Linking Words
 as the opportunity to get a job or the opportunity to participate in activities.
For instance
Linking Words
, many occupations prioritize hiring men over women
such
Linking Words
 as pilot,
IT
Correct word choice
and IT
show examples
.
Some
Correct pronoun usage
If
show examples
if
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
policy
Use synonyms
is applies
Change the verb form
is applied
show examples
, the equalization of job opportunities will occur. More
than
Correct pronoun usage
thatthan
show examples
, it can break social taboos about some major. Some people have the prejudice that
this
Linking Words
 major is not suitable for that gender,
such
Linking Words
 as IT major, people often think that
this
Linking Words
 profession is for boys, not for
girls
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, there will be
girls
Use synonyms
 who are talented in
this
Linking Words
Correct your spelling
field
fiel
Correct your spelling
field
 and suffer from social prejudices.
About
Change preposition
Regarding
show examples
 opposing opinion, it
also
Linking Words
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
bad
Add an article
a bad
show examples
 side. It is unfair because
students
Use synonyms
 can
Correct your spelling
freedom
Correct article usage
the freedoom
show examples
freedoom
Correct your spelling
freedom
 to choose a subject that they like. Having to balance the
number
Use synonyms
 of male and female
students
Use synonyms
 will cause some
students
Use synonyms
 must study
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
subjects which are not interested in. Leads to an increase in the
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 absent from
universities
Use synonyms
. More serious, it should
be increase
Change the verb form
increase
show examples
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
show examples
 rate because many
students
Use synonyms
 will have to study in the wrong field when the school’s quota is enough.
For example
Linking Words
, in
accountant
Correct article usage
an accountant
show examples
 major, there are more
Correct your spelling
women
woment
Correct your spelling
women
 attending than men, so if the
number
Use synonyms
 were balanced, it would make more
Correct your spelling
women
woment
Correct your spelling
women
 do things they don’t like.
From
Change preposition
Me
show examples
me
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion.
A
Correct the article-noun agreement
Universities
show examples
universities
Use synonyms
 should not
equal
Add a missing verb
have equal
show examples
 numbers of male and female
students
Use synonyms
 in every subject because it can have serious consequences for the future of
students
Use synonyms
. To summarize having
an equal numbers
Correct the article-noun agreement
an equal number
equal numbers
show examples
 of males and females in
universities
Use synonyms
 can bring about a change in theory.
However
Linking Words
, in
reality
Add a comma
,reality
show examples
 it
create
Change the verb form
creates
show examples
 negative effects
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
students
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by shin.le1988 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: