In some countries young people are not only richer, but also safer and healthier than ever before. However, they are often less happy. What do you think are the reasons for this and what can be done to help?
Nowadays communities
full
Add a missing verb
are full
with
education and it gave a path to be richer Change preposition
of
in
Change preposition
at
the
young age. Young Correct article usage
a
people
in some countries not
only richer, Add a missing verb
are not
they are
Add the word(s)
but they are also
a
safer and healthier than Change the article
apply
over
before ,because they eat healthy food follow insurance Change preposition
apply
plan
and Fix the agreement mistake
plans
well
educated. Add a missing verb
are well
However
, they are often less happy. The following paragraph highlights what are the reasons for this
situation and what can done
to be happy as they wish.
Change the verb form
be done
Firstly
, every time crowd
Correct article usage
the crowd
busy
with their jobs and they Add a missing verb
is busy
have
not any time to enjoy their life. They Add a missing verb
do have
are
always follow Unnecessary verb
apply
Correct article usage
the targets
targets
rules, Change noun form
targets'
target's
hard
work to be the best person. It Correct word choice
and hard
get
more Change the verb form
gets
safty
, richer and Correct your spelling
safety
Correct your spelling
healthier
heltheir
future but Correct your spelling
helps their
sometime
they worry to miss one side of their activity. Replace the word
sometimes
For example
, a lot of young people
in my country work hard to Correct your spelling
achieve
acquire
achire
their Correct your spelling
achieve
goles
they miss Correct your spelling
goals
relationship
and Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
an
Correct article usage
apply
entatainment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
thing
. Fix the agreement mistake
things
Moreover
, they are like roboat
. They haven’t any feelings Correct your spelling
robot
robots
of
others and always worry Change preposition
for
with
something. Change preposition
about
Secondly
, younger people
haven’t hobbies
. Hobbies always get relax Correct quantifier usage
any hobbies
to
our Change preposition
apply
mind
and we can improve Fix the agreement mistake
minds
Correct your spelling
concentration
consentration
to follow hobbies. It’s like Correct your spelling
concentration
Correct your spelling
medicine
midicine
to our Correct your spelling
medicine
mind
. Fix the agreement mistake
minds
However
, Correct your spelling
researchers
reseachers
found that quarter – half of Correct your spelling
researchers
young
crowd Add an article
the young
full
Add a missing verb
is full
with
Change preposition
of
happy
life because Add an article
a happy
of
they all haven’t at least one hobby. Those are the main reason Change preposition
apply
of
Change preposition
for
this
situation.
On the other hand
, the government can execute some entertainment program
. Fix the agreement mistake
programs
It’s
Unnecessary verb
It
Correct your spelling
definitely
deffinitely
Correct your spelling
definitely
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
to
richer young Change preposition
apply
people
to be relax
and happy in their life and Change the verb form
relax
it
Change the pronoun
its
effect
Change the verb form
effects
to
productivity too. Happy businessmen are creative and they are creating new work opportunities. Change preposition
apply
Finally
, country
should provide Add an article
the country
a country
Correct your spelling
grievance
grevance
system to Correct article usage
a grevance
young
Add an article
the young
community
to release their stress.
In conclusion, so many young Fix the agreement mistake
communities
crowd
some county, richer, safer and Change to a plural noun
crowds
heltheir
than beforeCorrect your spelling
healthier
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Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
