Introduction
It is often argued that the regime has an indispensable role in subsidizing the community in every sphere
such
asLinking Words
,
education, health, and some other exercise. Remove the comma
apply
Although
I agree that Linking Words
government
should pay more expenditure on the educational system, I think that a portion of these expenses must be allocated to welfare activities.Correct article usage
the government
Body paragraph 1
At the outset, a certain budget that will be spent on enhancing the learning sector is not a waste of money.
To begin
with, schooling is a substantial factor that contributes to countries’ progress, Linking Words
thus
, myriads of authorities make sure that their citizens will obtain proper learning. Linking Words
For instance
, the government offer a scholarship to students who Linking Words
performed
well in their studies with a high degree to complete their schooling beyond national borders, Wrong verb form
perform
therefore
, they will lead their countries in versatile fields. Academic qualifications are required in many professions. Linking Words
For example
, it is impossible to become a doctor, teacher, or lawyer without having a relevant degree. Linking Words
That is
why I believe that the regime should allocate a great portion of the money to ameliorate the educational system.Linking Words
Body paragraph 2
In sharp contrast to
this
, authorities must pay attention to support other activities. Linking Words
To begin
with, leisure exercises must be considered as fundamental factors which contribute to developing the intellectual capabilities of people. Linking Words
For example
, playing a chess game can boost the logical thinking of players. Linking Words
Moreover
, Linking Words
while
a lot of competitions have been held worldwide and Linking Words
this
exhorts citizens to participate, Linking Words
as a result
, if they win, it will be beneficial to gain a good reputation for their countries, and they will be given a rewarding prize. Linking Words
Thus
, I believe Linking Words
that is
important to spend money on other activitiesLinking Words
Conclusion
To put it in a nutshell,
although
I agree that authorities must devote a proportion of their finances to enhancing education, I think that leisure sports must be supported and given a huge concern like schooling.Linking Words