Government spends much money for education. More money should be spent for free time activities. To what extend do agree or disagree?
It is often argued that the regime has an indispensable role in subsidizing the community in every sphere
such
as education, health, and some other exercise. Linking Words
Although
I agree that Linking Words
government
should pay more expenditure on the educational system, I think that a portion of these expenses must be allocated to welfare activities.
At the outset, a certain budget that will be spent on enhancing the learning sector is not a waste of money, as education is considered the backbone of a nation . Correct article usage
the government
To begin
with, schooling is a substantial factor that contributes to countries’ progress, Linking Words
thus
, myriads of authorities make sure that their citizens will obtain proper learning. Linking Words
For instance
, the government offer a scholarship which costs a lot of cash for research purposes, Linking Words
therefore
, Linking Words
this
will open the door for modern technological invention. Linking Words
Secondly
, academic qualifications are required in many professions. Linking Words
For example
, it is impossible to become a doctor, teacher, or lawyer without having a relevant degree. Linking Words
That is
why I believe that the regime should allocate a great portion of the money to ameliorate the educational system.
In sharp contrast to Linking Words
this
, authorities must pay attention to support other activities. Linking Words
Firstly
, leisure exercises must be considered as fundamental factors which contribute to developing intellectual capabilities, mental and physical fitness, and flexibility. Linking Words
For example
, playing a chess game can boost the creativity, Linking Words
logical
and critical thinking of players. Replace the word
logic
Moreover
, Linking Words
while
a lot of competitions have been held worldwide and Linking Words
this
exhorts citizens to represent their own nation , Linking Words
as a result
,if they win, they can bring recognition to their nation at large, Linking Words
also
they will be given a reward prize. Linking Words
Thus
, I believe Linking Words
that is
important to spend cash on other activities
To put it in Linking Words
the
nutshell, Correct article usage
a
although
I agree that authorities must devote a proportion of their finances to enhancing education, I think that leisure sports must be supported and given a huge concern like schooling.Linking Words
Submitted by rehameldweik on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion could be more developed and concise, and clear. Organize the ideas better in the introduction and conclusion to mirror the main points of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow within and between paragraphs is generally clear, but the organization of the introduction and conclusion could be improved to better introduce and summarize the main arguments.
task achievement
The response demonstrates a clear position on the issue and provides well-developed, relevant ideas. However, the introduction and conclusion need to be more concise and show a clearer alignment with the main points.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear argument with relevant examples. However, the essay could benefit from a more concise and focused introduction and conclusion to better reflect the central argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?