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Band 4

Both men and woman care more about their appearance today than they did in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#men #woman #care #appearance
In
this
 recent years,
appearance
 was so a huge impact on how we live our daily lives because
this
 is the
first
 thing that
people
 notice about you. Almost every
people
 in the world definitely cares about their
appearance
 more than before.
Therefore
, I completely agree that both boys and girls always look for a good
appearance
. It is clear that
appearance
 can make someone's good impression when they
first
 sight
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
someone.
Moreover
,
this
 reason can lead to
confidence
Add an article
the confidence
show examples
 to lives in each day. The
first
 thing to be concerned about when you go outside was how you look , is it a good
appearance
.
On the other hand
,
people
 who lived in the past might not be concerned at
this
 point same as
people
 in
current
Add an article
the current
show examples
 era.
To compare
Change the verb form
Compared
show examples
 with the past,
people
 just
care
 about what are they going to do
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each day
instead
 of how their outfits
look
Wrong verb form
looked
show examples
or how their
appearance
 was.
However
, nowadays,
people
 usually think about
this
 topic almost every time. Making someone's good impression on you is
also
 significant.
Therefore
,
appearance
 is
also
 important as well. Not only
boy
Fix the agreement mistake
boys
show examples
 but
also
girl
Fix the agreement mistake
girls
show examples
 always
care
 about their look to fulfilling their confidence to go outside.
It
Add a verb
isIt
wasIt
show examples
also
 good that many
people
 tend to
care
themself
 than in the past. These reasons
also
 make
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 generation gap as well. As far as I am concerned, I personally agree that nowadays both boys and girls turn to
care
 about their
appearance
 more than before.
This
 fact is a good sign in
recently
Replace the word
recent
show examples
 days and in the future. In fact,
people
 are turning to
care
 for
themself
 and love
themself
 than before and making
themself
 more confident in
lives
Correct pronoun usage
their lives
show examples
 each day.
Submitted by Plengpnww on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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