IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries around thr world life expectancy is inreasing. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation and give your own opinion.

#countries #thr #world #life #expectancy #situation
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Evaluation
Add an article
The evaluation
show examples
 shows, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries in the whole world hopefulness to live and happiness in their
people
Use synonyms
’s
Use synonyms
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 are growing. There are numerous advantages and
disadvantages
Use synonyms
 to
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
increasing
life
Use synonyms
 expectancy which will be discussed in the following paragraphs. As far as I am concerned the drawbacks outweigh the
benefits
Use synonyms
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the one hand,
this
Linking Words
 issue has a lot of
benefits
Use synonyms
,
for
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
people
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
between
show examples
Use synonyms
ages
Correct article usage
the ages
show examples
between
Change preposition
of
show examples
 60-70 want to travel around the world and spend too much money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 exploring and it has good
benefits
Use synonyms
 for
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and other
countries’
Correct your spelling
countries
show examples
economy
Fix the agreement mistake
economies
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
ages
Use synonyms
 between 40-50 want to continue their
study
Use synonyms
 and graduate from university, in these
Use synonyms
ages
Add a comma
,ages
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 mature and they know how valuable
study
Use synonyms
 is so they
study
Use synonyms
 too much and learn perfectly and it has
benefits
Use synonyms
 for countries progress.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 want to be
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
healthier and fit so
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
eating healthy food and exercising are grown in countries
so
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 they need less medical care. The
disadvantages
Use synonyms
 that I can recommend are when
life
Use synonyms
 expectancy is increasing
people
Use synonyms
 want to live more so it is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 because they have to make more and strong insurance cards or build more hospitals.
Actually
Add a comma
,Actually
show examples
 when age goes up our body becomes
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
weeker
Correct your spelling
weaker
show examples
 and needs more medical care and medication and it is
also
Linking Words
 harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 because of
toxic
Correct article usage
the toxic
show examples
 substances that medications have/produce.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand universities
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
this
Linking Words
 time
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
have a lot of
ages
Use synonyms
 between 40-60 who
study
Use synonyms
 and want to graduate so students who are in
ages
Use synonyms
 between 18-30
are complained
Change to the active voice
complain
have complained
show examples
 about it and they cannot find jobs easily. According to what has already been discussed there are many advantages and
disadvantages
Use synonyms
 to a high level of
life
Use synonyms
 expectancy while the advantages outweigh the
disadvantages
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: