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Band 4.5

In many countries around thr world life expectancy is inreasing. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation and give your own opinion.

#countries #thr #world #life #expectancy #situation
Evaluation
Add an article
The evaluation
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 shows, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries in the whole world hopefulness to live and happiness in their
people
’s
life
Replace the word
lives
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 are growing. There are numerous advantages and
disadvantages
 to
an
Correct article usage
apply
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increasing
life
 expectancy which will be discussed in the following paragraphs. As far as I am concerned the drawbacks outweigh the
benefits
.
In
Change preposition
On
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 the one hand,
this
 issue has a lot of
benefits
,
for
example
Add a comma
,example
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people
in
Change preposition
between
show examples
ages
Correct article usage
the ages
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between
Change preposition
of
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 60-70 want to travel around the world and spend too much money
for
Change preposition
on
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 exploring and it has good
benefits
 for
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 and other
countries’
Correct your spelling
countries
show examples
economy
Fix the agreement mistake
economies
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.
Furthermore
,
ages
 between 40-50 want to continue their
study
 and graduate from university, in these
ages
Add a comma
,ages
show examples
people
 are
became
Wrong verb form
become
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 mature and they know how valuable
study
 is so they
study
 too much and learn perfectly and it has
benefits
 for countries progress.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
people
 want to be
more
Change the word
apply
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healthier and fit so
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
eating healthy food and exercising are grown in countries
so
Correct word choice
where
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 they need less medical care. The
disadvantages
 that I can recommend are when
life
 expectancy is increasing
people
 want to live more so it is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 because they have to make more and strong insurance cards or build more hospitals.
Actually
Add a comma
,Actually
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 when age goes up our body becomes
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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weeker
Correct your spelling
weaker
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 and needs more medical care and medication and it is
also
 harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
environment
Add an article
the environment
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 because of
toxic
Correct article usage
the toxic
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 substances that medications have/produce.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand universities
in
Change preposition
at
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this
 time
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
have a lot of
ages
 between 40-60 who
study
 and want to graduate so students who are in
ages
 between 18-30
are complained
Change to the active voice
complain
have complained
show examples
 about it and they cannot find jobs easily. According to what has already been discussed there are many advantages and
disadvantages
 to a high level of
life
 expectancy while the advantages outweigh the
disadvantages
.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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