IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations
Nowadays, most
people
 still endure in
detrimental
Add an article
the detrimental
a detrimental
show examples
environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
show examples
 for doing a job and earning
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cash.
However
, others believe it is the best movement to get out
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 these toxic conditions
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 making better
life
 and future. I
am
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
strong
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
advocate the latter as there will be an abundance of boons than drawbacks. On the
one
 hand, most of them still survive with inimical treatments because there is no
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 option for them to reach.
As a result
, they remain to stay in
Add an article
the organization
an organization
show examples
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 give them unpleasant
occupation
Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
show examples
 and less money.
Instead
 of getting out
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
unhealthy
Correct article usage
an unhealthy
show examples
 workplace, they try to enjoy the worse situation for the sake of keeping alive. If
this
 condition is still continuing,
one
 day, it will affect the health mental of employees, resulting in more disappointment in their whole
life
.
On the other hand
,
people
are tend
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
 to overlook the better chances which give them adequate facilities
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 securing their job and money. These
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
people
 are more likely to
ready
Add a missing verb
be ready
show examples
 to compete with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others for reaching their
life
 goals.
As a result
,
people
 will learn some skills and abilities for making sure
them
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
listed
Add a missing verb
are listed
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
top-notch offices to work.
For instance
, Oprah Winfrey
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 was born in poor
communities
Fix the agreement mistake
community
show examples
, but with her
persistency
Replace the word
persistence
show examples
 and hard work, she can be
one
 of the greatest
entertainer
Change to a plural noun
entertainers
show examples
 in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States at
this
 moment. There is a will, there is a way. To sum up, I am strong to support
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 who have
desire
Add an article
a desire
the desire
show examples
 for giving the best in their
life
. They will do anything to strive and reach what they want.
As a result
, there will be more competent and
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
show examples
 employees in society. They realize that
one
 thing
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 alter their situation is
willingness
Correct pronoun usage
their willingness
show examples
 to try and improve their quality of
life
.
Hence
, every effort
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they give will pay off in future,
such
 as job security and
wealthiness
Replace the word
wealth
show examples
.
Submitted by dwipur1105 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
What to do next:
Look at other essays: