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Band 4.5

In the past, most people used to travel to their place of work. With increased use of computers, the internet and smartphones, more and more people are starting to work from home. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?

#people #travel #place #work #computers #internet #smartphones #home #development
Most of the
workers
 used to go to their
office
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
 basis.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 the advancement of technology
such
 as
Correct article usage
the increase
show examples
increase
Replace the word
increasing
show examples
 usage of computers and any other devices
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
connected to the internet
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 enables
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
workers
 to do their assignments from
home
. In my
opinions
Fix the agreement mistake
opinion
show examples
, there are some benefits and drawbacks of working from
home
. On the one hand,
employee
Add an article
an employee
the employee
show examples
 who has done their work from their
home
 tended to have mental problems regarding social interaction. People could suffer cabin fever which
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 them feel restless and irritable because they have been indoors in one place for too long. With the facilities available almost for everything, it allowed us not to leave the house at all
furthermore
 it would minimize interaction between
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
employee
Add an article
the employee
an employee
show examples
 could utilise their
time
 and
money
 more effectively without decreasing their productivity. The
workers
 have to spare several hours of their
time
 every day just to go to their
office
, they need to consider some factors which
affects
Change the verb form
affect
show examples
 the length of the trip to the
office
Add the comma(s)
, for instance,
show examples
for instance
 the distance and traffic between their
home
 to the
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
.
Time
 spent by the
workers
commuted
Wrong verb form
commuting
show examples
 to their
office
, could be used to do some other activities related to work or personal gain.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
 the times,
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
 consideration is
money
, people have to spend some
money
 to pay fares or gas
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 whether they used public
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 personal transport. Many hindrances could be eliminated, if the
workers
allowed
Add a missing verb
were allowed
show examples
 to do their assignments from
home
, so they could become prolific. In
Correct your spelling
conclusion
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, people who worked from
home
 could utilize either their
time
 and
money
 more wisely,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 there are side effects regarding mental issues caused by the lack of social interactions.
Submitted by dwipur1105 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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