IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Blood sports have become a hot Topic for debate in recent years. As Society develops, it is increasingly seen as an uncivilised activity and cruel to the animals that are killed. All sports animals should be banned discuss both views and give your opinion

#blood #sports #topic #debate #years #society #activity #animals
While
 some individuals consider the practice of killing
animals
 for sport as harmful, archaic, and should be prohibited, others think
otherwise
. In my opinion, I believe
this
 practice is bad and should be forbidden because it leads to the extinction of some animal species and
also
 disrupts our ecosystem. On the one hand, games involving the elimination of
animals
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 considered safe by some people because they can use some of the by-products of dead
animals
.
In other words
, when
animals
 are killed some parts of the dead
animals
 can be used for the benefit of man.
For instance
, the skin can be used to make leather coats shoes and bags.
Furthermore
, the organs of these sported
animals
 can be used for clinical trials to test medicines used in humans.
On the other hand
 and in my opinion, I believe games that involve the killing of
animals
 should be forbidden because it disrupts the ecosystem.
This
 means
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
animals
 have significant roles to play in making our environment safe.
As a result
 of
this
 role, taking out these
animals
 will make our world unsafe.
For example
, taking out cats from our environment will lead to the proliferation of rats all around the city.
In addition
, hunting
animals
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to the extinction of of
animals
. Some
animals
 are not seen anymore because they have all been destroyed by man. In conclusion,
while
 the game of killing
animals
 is not considered unsafe and should be practised by some people, I think
this
 act should be prohibited because it causes
extinction
Add an article
the extinction
show examples
 of rare animal species and destabilises our environment.
Submitted by beansola on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task response
Task response: The essay partially addresses the prompt by presenting arguments in favor of and against blood sports. However, the response lacks a clear stance and does not effectively discuss both views as required.
Coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The essay demonstrates some organization, but the logical structure is unclear. The introduction and conclusion are present, but they lack clarity and coherence. Additionally, the development of ideas lacks coherence and cohesion, making it challenging to follow the arguments.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: