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Band 4.5

Some people believe that professional sportsmen and women are paid too much money nowadays in relation to their usefulness to society. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #sportsmen #women #money #relation #usefulness #society
Nowadays there is an opinion that certain athletes get an excessive amount of funds relative to their importance to humankind.
Such
 a belief seems dubious for several reasons.
Firstly
, only
a limited amounts
Correct the article-noun agreement
a limited amount
limited amounts
show examples
 of sportsmen become famous and reach
such
 standing which provides them with considerable salaries.
Secondly
, professional sports activity may be harmful and cause some traumas and pathologies and
consequently
 have to retire early,
therefore
 impressive payments may be adequate reimbursement.
Thirdly
, tax legislation of the vast majority of states claims for high taxes,
therefore
 while getting a considerable amount of money for their activity sportsmen provide the government and
consequently
 citizens with significant wages income. Same time the public behaviour of some athletes could be provoking and their lifestyle may seem to be wasteful, but
still
Add a comma
,still
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 that could be some form of an advertisement for young men and women. Perhaps, there is only one sphere where excessive funds could be harmful to their owner. Popular persons (and professionals of sports for sure ) are crowded with enormous amounts of fake friends and followers. Those persons may bring into the life of athletes
such
 temptations as alcohol and drugs and because of their young age and lack of wisdom they could be really prone to it. The lifespan of professional sportsmen could be vivid but short,
therefore
 I believe that they have to catch it and provide their future with funds and comfort,
hence
 the payment in the short term period should be significant.
Submitted by aleksey.malakhov on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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