IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Today, the lifespan of people is much higher than before. Some people think that older people should continue to be involved in the workforce. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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no doubt, some
people
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 believe that old
people
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 should
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continue
continiue
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continue
 at
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workplace
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the workplace
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instead
Linking Words
 of
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retirement
retirment
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retirement
 due to
increasing
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the increasing
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 average life
expactancy
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expectancy
. I personally disagree with
this
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 statement , because
decreasing
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the decreasing
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 capability of older
people
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 to handle challenging
work
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 situations and
in addition
Linking Words
less
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
job vacancies for today's youngsters.
to begin
Linking Words
 with
main
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the main
show examples
 reason why old aged
people
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 should
retired
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retire
show examples
 from the
workplace
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 is that
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senior
seniour
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senior
 citizens are unable to
coorporate
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cooperate
 with difficult situations at
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workplace
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the workplace
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 because of their declining health status day by day.
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Moreover
Morover
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Moreover
,nowadays every individual need to stay active in order to make a reputation at
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workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 world of competition.
For instance
Linking Words
,in developed countries especially in America,
they
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apply
show examples
 retired their older citizens at the age of 60. Since
they
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arethey
werethey
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 aware
about
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of
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ability
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the ability
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of
Change preposition
to
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 not
doing
Wrong verb form
do
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work
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 in a given period of time or due to their
inatentiveness
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inattentiveness
 ,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
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 it would
be affect
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be affected
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 to
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the company
a company
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company
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company's
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 from achieving success.
In addition
Linking Words
,another contributing factor is already
less
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fewer
show examples
 job opportunities for youngsters. If old
people
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 remain at
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work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 often their limit of age. it would
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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lead to
issue
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the issue
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 of unemployment among individuals.
Nevertheless
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,
as
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apply
show examples
a recent survey conducted by the times of America
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
revealed that about 50% unemployment rate has increased due to allowing old
people
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 to
work
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 at job places,which decreased opportunities for adults.
Thus
Linking Words
,older
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people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 retirement is necessary to provide opportunities to youngsters. In conclusion,the old citizens
allow
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allowed
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to
Change the verb form
working
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work
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 after the age of retirement is not
an
Change the article
apply
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appropriate for the
workplace
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 in terms of dropping health and
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
Correct your spelling
opportunities
oportunities
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opportunities
 for adults.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • lifespan
  • workforce
  • invaluable experience
  • mentorship
  • expertise
  • accumulated knowledge
  • socially engaged
  • sense of purpose
  • fulfillment
  • pension system sustainability
  • social welfare
  • economy
  • imbalance
  • employment opportunities
  • aging bodies
  • financial burden
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