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Band 4.5

Due to many young people dropping out from schools , the rate of unemployment is increasing and it effects our society in different ways . In your opinion , how can this situation be improved.

#people #schools #rate #unemployment #effects #society #situation
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Many youngsters
dropping
Wrong verb form
drop
show examples
 out
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 university ,the
rate
 of job
Correct your spelling
loss
show examples
less
Correct your spelling
loss
show examples
 is often higher and it our community in different ways.
In
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
 essay should outline
issue
Add an article
the issue
show examples
 and give possible
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 to improve
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 situation.
To begin
 with, most students
droppimg
Correct your spelling
dropping
 out
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 college and the unemployed
rate
 is increasing.
firstly
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
companies give
perferance
Correct your spelling
preference
performance
 to the
people
 who skill in their hands rather than more education
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
For instance
,
air
Change preposition
in air
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condition
Wrong verb form
conditioning
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,companies want to hire
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
 who know how to fix electronic machines. to sort
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
out
this
issue
 company should give more
perferance
Correct your spelling
preference
performance
 to
educate
Wrong verb form
educating
show examples
 one rather than the
people
 who
skill
Add a missing verb
have skill
show examples
 in their hands .
Secondly
, I would like to highlight one more
issue
 which
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
drop
Add the particle
to drop
show examples
 out the
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 these days. the major impact which due to
people
 dropping out the
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 due to less educate kids
Donot
Correct your spelling
Don't
Do not
 know the
important
Replace the word
importance
show examples
 of
Correct your spelling
degree
agree
Correct article usage
a dagree
show examples
dagree
Correct your spelling
degree
 that why unemployment
rate
Correct your spelling
getting
gettimg
Correct your spelling
getting
 higher.
For instance
, according to society, students
doesnot
Correct your spelling
does not
doesn't
 know the real
important
Replace the word
importance
show examples
 of
dagree
Correct your spelling
degree
 . To fix
this
issue
 governments should give awareness about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education and
also
 give free education as well. to sum up,
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 nowadays leave
Correct article usage
the schools
show examples
schools
Change the noun form
school
show examples
 system and it
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
 the unemployment
rate
 high and high day by day. due to companies
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 value to
people
 who skill in their hands and
people
Correct your spelling
do not
don't
donot
Correct your spelling
do not
 know the real
important
Replace the word
importance
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
degree
Add an article
the degree
a degree
show examples
.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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