Many manufactured food and drinks products contain a high level of sugar, causing health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Products
with lots of
sugar
in
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
are probably included almost in everyone’s daily diet, sometimes willingly, sometimes- unknowingly. Some
people
assert that sugary foods should be made more expensive
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
so that the majority would not consume as much
sugar
. I tend to believe that it would be improper in terms of a poorer group of
people
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and that we would be stripped of our right to choose. To start with, every product in grocery stores should be equally affordable for lower to upper working classes individuals. By making some
products
more affordable for wealthy
people
and setting higher prices so the lower class would not be able to buy them, we are making our society into a caste system.
Products
with lots of
sugar
in them would still be bought by rich
people
as much as they are bought today, if not more, only lower, and middle-lower classes would stop buying them
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because they simply could no longer afford to.
Secondly
,
sugar
, for some individuals, is a
life important
Add a hyphen
life-important
show examples
matter concerning medical needs.
For instance
, carbs that are
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
content of all of the sugars, are absolutely necessary for growing organisms- children. If the
sugar
supply is cut, by making sugary
products
more expensive, children might not develop properly.
Nevertheless
, some diabetic
people
“depend” on sugary
products
- when their
sugar
levels drop too low, they must eat something sweet to bring their
sugar
level back to normal. In that matter,
this type
Fix the agreement mistake
these types
show examples
of
products
Fix the agreement mistake
product
show examples
are life-death
question
Fix the agreement mistake
questions
show examples
to some
people
, and they should not be stripped
off
Change preposition
apply
show examples
of the right to help their health in need. In conclusion, by making sugary
products
costly, we would help some
people
to stay healthier, but we would not be thinking about
other group
Change the wording
another group
other groups
show examples
of individuals that might get hurt by it. Whether it is sweet or sour
products
, they should be equally affordable for all groups of
people
.
Submitted by oimigle on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: