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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drinks products contain a high level of sugar, causing health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drinks #products #level #sugar #health #people
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Products
Use synonyms
 with lots of
sugar
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 in
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 are probably included almost in everyone’s daily diet, sometimes willingly, sometimes- unknowingly. Some
people
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 assert that sugary foods should be made more expensive
,
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apply
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 so that the majority would not consume as much
sugar
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. I tend to believe that it would be improper in terms of a poorer group of
people
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,
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apply
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 and that we would be stripped of our right to choose. To start with, every product in grocery stores should be equally affordable for lower to upper working classes individuals. By making some
products
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 more affordable for wealthy
people
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 and setting higher prices so the lower class would not be able to buy them, we are making our society into a caste system.
Products
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 with lots of
sugar
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 in them would still be bought by rich
people
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 as much as they are bought today, if not more, only lower, and middle-lower classes would stop buying them
,
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apply
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 because they simply could no longer afford to.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
sugar
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, for some individuals, is a
life important
Add a hyphen
life-important
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 matter concerning medical needs.
For instance
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, carbs that are
a
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apply
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content of all of the sugars, are absolutely necessary for growing organisms- children. If the
sugar
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 supply is cut, by making sugary
products
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 more expensive, children might not develop properly.
Nevertheless
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, some diabetic
people
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 “depend” on sugary
products
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- when their
sugar
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 levels drop too low, they must eat something sweet to bring their
sugar
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 level back to normal. In that matter,
Linking Words
this type
Fix the agreement mistake
these types
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 of
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products
Fix the agreement mistake
product
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 are life-death
question
Fix the agreement mistake
questions
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 to some
people
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, and they should not be stripped
off
Change preposition
apply
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of the right to help their health in need. In conclusion, by making sugary
products
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 costly, we would help some
people
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 to stay healthier, but we would not be thinking about
other group
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another group
other groups
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 of individuals that might get hurt by it. Whether it is sweet or sour
products
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, they should be equally affordable for all groups of
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by oimigle on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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