IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Is mental strength important for success or is it more important to be strong and fit for success in sports? Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#strength #success #sports
It is thought by some that
psychology
Replace the word
psychological
show examples
 strength is crucial for getting victory while others believe that physical fitness provides high
chances
Fix the agreement mistake
chance
show examples
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 get success in
sports
.
This
 essay will discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
opinions along with my own viewpoint. To commence with, mental strength plays a vital role in
sports
 as winning and losing is quite common in games and if a
person
 is losing the
game
 he should be mentally strong to face his failure so that he can be able to play in other competition. To exemplify, a
person
participated
Correct pronoun usage
who participated
show examples
 in
swimming
Correct article usage
a swimming
show examples
 competition
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
lose his
race
 only with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 gap of 2 seconds but he has a mindset of victory and again he participated in his
race
 and won the
race
.
Thus
, it shows that
mental
Correct article usage
the mental
show examples
 stability of an individual really matters. On the paradoxical side,
physical
Correct article usage
the physical
show examples
 fitness of people in
sports
 is important as it is the major factor which contributes
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the field of
sports
. A
person
 with
unhealthy
Correct article usage
an unhealthy
show examples
 weight has zero chances to play
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
any
sports
 and if he
try
Change the verb form
tries
show examples
 to take part in his
game
 he will definitely
Replace the word
lose
show examples
loose
Correct your spelling
lose
show examples
 it.
For example
, in
800
Correct article usage
an 800
show examples
 m
race
 a
person
 with
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 weight, endurance, speed and strength can only win as
as
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
compared to the other weak players.
Besides
this
, only players who are strong and
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
fit
Correct article usage
a fit
show examples
 body are allowed to play at international games, a
person
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 all the requirements which are made by the
sports
.
Hence
, it proves that an athlete should be powerful and healthy to win or participate in any
game
. To conclude,
although
 both mental stability and physical fitness of a
person
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 necessary to get triumph in any competition related to
sports
 but being
psychological
Change the adjective
psychologically
show examples
 prepared for the
game
 is not
only
Correct article usage
the only
show examples
 factor
contributes
Correct pronoun usage
that contributes
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the victory of an athlete.
Submitted by Harmeet Singh Khera on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: