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Band 4.5

Some people say that in the modern world it is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle. Others, however, say that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #world #lifestyle
Nowadays, a number of
people
 are having
unhealthy
Add an article
an unhealthy
show examples
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
 and find it difficult to change
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
, while others think it’s easy to live in a healthy way. It’s for sure that there are more and more
Correct your spelling
reason
reasons
reson
Correct your spelling
reasons
 for
people
 to stay at home. The development of video games, take-away
food
 and online shopping all make it easier to live
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
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an
show examples
 unhealthy
lifestyle
. Because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life is so convenient so
people
 started to stay up late,
eating
Wrong verb form
eat
show examples
junk
food
 and
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
none
Correct quantifier usage
no
show examples
Correct your spelling
exercise
exersice
Correct your spelling
exercise
.
However
, it doesn’t mean having a healthy
lifestyle
 is difficult these days, it’s even easier. With the development of technology, more and more companies create
exercise
game
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games
show examples
 to help
people
 to
exercise
 while having fun.
For example
, X-box
,
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apply
show examples
 has
create
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created
show examples
 a lot of
exercise
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
, you can do many different kinds of exercises without going out. I used to hate doing
exercise
, but because of these video
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
, I change my
lifestyle
 and started to do
exercise
everyday
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every day
show examples
.
Also
, we can see
a lots
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a lot
lots
show examples
 of
salad
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salads
show examples
 on the APP of take-away
food
, most of them are healthy and tasted good, so if you be more
diseplin
Correct your spelling
discipline
, make sure you won’t order
junk
food
 on these APP, they can
also
 give you
many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
 help in keeping a healthy
lifestyle
. At
first
, it may be a little hard to give up eating
junk
food
,
nevertheless
, if you try to control yourself for a month you will get fit
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
this
 new diet and no longer miss the days eating
junk
food
. To sum up,
although
 there are more
Correct your spelling
reasons
resons
Correct your spelling
reasons
 for
you
Change the pronoun
your
show examples
stay
Fix the infinitive
to stay
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 at home
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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it doesn’t mean it become difficult to live in a healthy way, the development
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 technology
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 us
many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
 help to live
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a healthy
lifestyle
, all
people
 need to do is just control themselves a bit more.
Submitted by melindaguan0704 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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