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Band 6

n many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it a valuable work experience, which is important for learning and taking responsibility. What is your opinion?

#n #countries #children #work #people #responsibility
There is no doubt that these days, most
of
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apply
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employers
Add an article
the employers
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 looking for employment had experience. The question is, we should support the
children
 to
work
? and what the consequences
in
Add a missing verb
are in
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children
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children's
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life
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live
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?
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.
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 In
this
 essay, I am going to discuss the doth views and draw my own conclusion. In terms of people
disagree
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disagreeing
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 with
children
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children's
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work
. The main reason given to support
this
 claim is that
the
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apply
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children
 should
focusing
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focus
be focusing
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in
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on
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the
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their
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 study and spend their time
for
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apply
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learning and
play
Wrong verb form
playing
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. To illustrate, in south
Korean
Correct your spelling
Korea
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 70% approximately for students working in paid
work
 and
this
 impact
in
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apply
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their life.
In other words
, the job doesn't make students sleep very well or study and
this
 had
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
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reflect
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reflected
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in
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on
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 their
children
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children's
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 health and
the
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apply
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school grades.
Hence
, many students can't
inter
Correct your spelling
enter
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to
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apply
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university in future.
However
, other strongly believe that
the
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apply
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countries should
engaged
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engage
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the
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apply
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children
 to
work
.
Firstly
,
this
 way learns the
children
 how they can found
solve
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solutions
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for
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apply
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any problems face
them
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apply
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in future. In other
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words
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worlds
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words
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,
the
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they
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learns
Correct subject-verb agreement
learn
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 time management between
study
Wrong verb form
studying
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 and
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
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 the same time.
Secondly
,
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
in
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at
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the
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a
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 young age
learn
Change the verb form
learns
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the
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apply
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children
 taking responsibility.
This
 is because they have duties to be performed.
Also
, the
last
 studies show that the countries
engaged
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that engaged
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children
 to
work
 become more developed and the rate
for
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of
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 unemployment will decrease significantly after 5 years. In conclusion,
although
engaged
Replace the word
engaging
show examples
 young people
to
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in
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work
 had more
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
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, it has many
valuable
Replace the word
values
show examples
.
Therefore
, I believe that
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
they
Correct your spelling
the
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children
 must learn to
taking
Change the verb form
take
show examples
 the opinion and responsibility the method will change
the
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apply
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young
people
Change noun form
people's
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life
Replace the word
living
show examples
 in future for
better
Correct article usage
the better
show examples
.
Submitted by erjwan240 on

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