Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

It has become debatable whether the rate of illegal activities could be minimized by putting criminals in jail for the long term or if there are other methods which are more effective.
This
essay intends to analyse the validity of both perceptions before forming my opinion. On the one side, proponents of the former view consider that lengthy imprisonment is the most efficient way to decrease the crime rate.
This
is
due to
the fact that people who have no moral values, will always do something bad to society
such
as robberies, murders and rapes.
In contrast
, if they
would be
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
released from bars easily
then
they
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
continue to do the same actions all over again.
Consequently
, there would be a negative impact on society.
Therefore
, in order to protect the community, long sentences would be the best option to reduce crime.
On the other hand
, opponents including myself, claim that there are certain methods which are more suitable than imprisonment which could aid in the reduction of illegal activities.
Firstly
, the rehabilitation of criminals assists them in being good citizens because ,during
this
process, offenders would realise their mistakes and would try to improve them.
For example
, Central Jail in Delhi run a few rehabilitation programs which are useful to inculcate some human values in them.
Secondly
, they should get the opportunity to study their basic education so that they
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
find work after release from bars and will not indulge in wrong actions.
Thus
, tertiary treatment and education are effective ways to reduce criminal incidences. In conclusion, different people hold varying opinions about the methods to
decline
Verb problem
reduce
show examples
crime.
However
, I think that education and tertiary treatment in comparison with long imprisonment would be more suitable to minimise wrongdoings.
Submitted by immysandhu94 on

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure seems disjointed and lacks a clear progression of ideas. Each paragraph should build upon the previous one to form a cohesive argument. Consider restructuring the essay to present a more organized and logical flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they lack sufficient development and depth. The essay should provide a more comprehensive introduction that clearly outlines the different perspectives and a conclusion that summarizes the main points and presents a strong opinion.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt but does not fully develop the ideas or provide relevant examples to support the arguments. Each main point should be supported with specific examples or evidence to strengthen the argument and demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.

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