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Band 4.5

Nowadays movies and computer games containing violence are very popular. Some people believe that they have negative effect on the society and should be banned, others, however, believe that it is harmless entertainment. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#movies #computer #games #violence #people #effect #society #entertainment
Some people argue that, in present days
films
 and computer games
containing
Wrong verb form
contain
show examples
 violence.
on the other hand
, some individuals believe that it is harmless entertainment. In my opinion, it is harmless because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
 learn new
think
Add the particle
tothink
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 form
their
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.  On the one side,
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
help
Add an article
the help
show examples
 of
films
 and
computers
Add a comma
,computers
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 learn more
gain
Correct word choice
and gain
show examples
knowledge
.
In other words
, kids watch
films
 and
seen
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see
show examples
 many area people and
other new thing
Change the wording
another new thing
other new things
show examples
 to watch
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 videos they knew about
the
Remove the article
apply
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some new
location
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locations
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, climate change reason other
language
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languages
show examples
 and all the
area
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areas
show examples
 help
children
 to get new
knowledge
 about the
arounding
Correct your spelling
surrounding
 sectors.
Moreover
, youngsters know the places
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 visit and learn some new rituals and
also
 go for better study.
For example
, in India, more kids are learning
English
Correct article usage
the English
show examples
 language and going abroad for their higher education.
Hence
, pupils gain
knowledge
. On the opposite side, by
Change the form of the verb
watching
show examples
watch
Add a comma
,watch
show examples
this
 type of
films
Fix the agreement mistake
film
show examples
 and playing
such
 games make them more
agreecive
Correct your spelling
aggressive
. Rather
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 playing outdoor
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 and sittings with family
children
 giving preference more to watch and
playing
Wrong verb form
play
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 online and more screen time and some violent games make them more
irritating
Replace the word
irritated
show examples
.
For instance
, in India,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 banned
pubg
Correct your spelling
public
 game because many kids
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
.  In conclusion,
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 are some
drowbacks
Correct your spelling
drawbacks
 of
Add an article
the watch
a watch
show examples
watch
Wrong verb form
watching
show examples
 and playing
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 but because of a few
cons
Add a comma
,cons
show examples
 we can not neglect the advantages
such
 as
knowledge
new
Change preposition
of new
show examples
 opportunities and learning new skills. In my opinion, it is a good way to teach them and attract
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 new future plans as well, and by telling them the harmful defects Of
this
 people and save the
children
.
Submitted by sangeetapoonia11 on

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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