IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Ordinary people try to copy famous people either regarding magazines or watching TV. Why do they do this? Do you think it’s a good idea to copy this people?

#people #copy #magazines #tv #it’s #idea
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Nowadays, we have plenty of celebrities or influencers who show their
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private
priviate
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private
 life
in
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on
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 television,
newspapers
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in newspapers
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 or social media,
moreover
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,moreover
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 it is
very
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a very
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 profitable
an
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apply
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occupation for them. 
People
 who follow them
in
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on
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 social media have been trying to imitate their lifestyle. I truly believe following
someone
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someone's
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 lifestyle may have bad consequences. Have you ever wondered what
motivate
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motivates
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 humans to copy
someones
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someone
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?
Firstly
, at
this
 time, at
this
 time it is taking
few
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a few
show examples
 minutes to find any
informations
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information
 about someone,
furthermore
, we are shaping social media. Humans have an influence
for
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on
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 where and what type of information they share. As a consequence,
in
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on
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 any
website
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,website
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 we can discover many controversial
informations
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pieces of information
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 which may have
bad
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a bad
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 influence on
a
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the
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 youngest
people
. For an instance, kids or teenagers are coping
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with a
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a
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the
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 behaviour of famous
people
 to get a peer's attention.
However
, it may
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
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 even to death if it is a dangerous play.
Secondly
, plenty of rich women show off their luxurious clothes,
moreover
, artificial beauty. In that way, they are trying to persuade other
people
 to buy
an
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apply
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expensive products whiches may have
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insignificant
insignifact
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an insignifact
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affect
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effect
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 on our skin.
However
, the most significant problem is that they have been changing a canon of
a
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apply
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beauty to
such
 an extent that many women fierce themselves to plastic surgery which may
leads
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lead
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 to many health
problem
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problems
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.
On the other hand
,
people
 follow
someones
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someone's
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 behaviour,
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because
beacuse
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because
 they are
immpressed
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impressed
 with
well-build
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well-built
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 bodies. In that way, they find a new passion which is a sport.
Moreover
;
challenging
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challenge
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 themselves and build their
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strengths
strenghts
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strengths
. In my opinion, humans
should't
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shouldn't
should
 focus on
someones
Change to a genitive case
someone's
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 life too much, because they can forget about their own. We should pay
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attention
attentiont
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attention
on
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to
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that
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apply
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what we are watching
too
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to
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 make sure we will not change our personality or
good
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the good
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 features which are
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describing
descraving
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describing
 us.
Submitted by kornacka.adrianna on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admiration
  • Role models
  • Aspiration
  • Emulate
  • Influence of media
  • Self-expression
  • Identity
  • Social comparison
  • Glamorous lifestyle
  • Unrealistic expectations
  • Benchmark
  • Personal growth
  • Individuality
  • Financial decisions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: