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Some people think personal happiness is closely related to economic success, while others believe that it depends on other factors. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #happiness #success #factors
In modern society,
money
 has never been insignificant among individuals. While some
people
 argue that high wages are strongly linked with living
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a successful
life
, others maintain that there are other essential sectors that aid in boosting happiness. In my opinion, I am convinced that it is the exorbitant
money
that is
 influential
on
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in
show examples
 meeting
Correct your spelling
their
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 needs in both their health and
educational
Replace the word
education
show examples
 sector. On the one hand, several
people
 contend that the level of their job satisfaction contributes the most
in
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to
show examples
 uplifting their happiness. Even though the salary is low, when
people
 work in the field
at
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in
show examples
 which they had been keen to work
in
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apply
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, they can at least be far from being stressed. As high level of stress has a devastating impact on their human health,
thus
 they can live a better
life
 than those who are
stressing
Wrong verb form
stressed
show examples
 in the workplace to get fat paid.
On the other hand
, others consider
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
 as the key method to
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 a better
life
. Undoubtedly, things that can content
people
such
 as enjoying various
leisures
Fix the agreement mistake
leisure
show examples
 and purchasing luxury items can be only enjoyed by
people
 who can afford them. What it means is that
for
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apply
show examples
people
 who do not have enough
money
 cannot enjoy
such
 perks,
thus
people
 consider
money
 the most crucial method. In my personal view, I believe that
money
 can aid
people
 in becoming healthier and becoming intelligent, which hugely contribute to their
life
 quality. To be specific, healthy cuisines and private tutoring from professional teachers are by no means cheap, which means that
people
 who are only satisfied with their career getting small
paid
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pay
show examples
 cannot live happier than that
of
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apply
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those who have enough
money
 to afford
such
 extra options. In conclusion,
although
 career satisfaction is one of the key
method
Change to a plural noun
methods
show examples
 to live a happy
life
, I am
firmly
Replace the adverb
firm
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 of the opinion that as happiness has a strong connection between health and
people
's capability, how much they are
successed
Correct your spelling
succeeded
succeed
successes
 in their
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 is the most essential part to live happily as everything requires
money
.
Submitted by clara_you on

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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