IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays,
children
Use synonyms
 are more likely to waste their
time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mobile phones even though they have other important things to
carried
Wrong verb form
carry
show examples
 out.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine the cause of
this
Linking Words
 issue and
also
Linking Words
 the benefits and drawbacks of excessive usage of smartphones. The influence of technological development can be seen at any
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 since the various activities are
easily
Replace the word
easy
show examples
 to get
assess
Wrong verb form
assessed
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the smartphone at any
time
Use synonyms
. Especially,
children
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days have a lot of pressure from
Use synonyms
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 and their parents do not allow them to play outside apart from
Use synonyms
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the price of smartphones is getting cheaper and they play
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 critical role to get
Add an article
the connection
a connection
show examples
connection
Fix the agreement mistake
connections
show examples
 between
children
Use synonyms
 and parents.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 spent their short free
time
Use synonyms
 on
Correct pronoun usage
their phone
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 in order to play games and watch videos
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 youtube.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 development brings
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
supremacy and weakness since it depends on the ability and management of an individual child. If
children
Use synonyms
 use the internet and smartphone efficiently, they can learn
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new languages and other educational courses
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online.
Besides
Linking Words
, they can play
E-sports
Correct your spelling
Esports
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as games to get relax from
Use synonyms
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 and it can enhance
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 creativity and
intelligent
Replace the word
intelligence
show examples
 somehow.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
also
Linking Words
 the drawback of using
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 and mobile because it can be easily
addicted
Replace the word
addictive
show examples
 in
short
Add an article
a short
show examples
 period of
time
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, young
children
Use synonyms
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not enough consciousness to limit the
time
Use synonyms
spending
Replace the word
spent
show examples
 on phones, it can affect
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 eyesight and loss
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 concentration ability which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 required to
study
Use synonyms
 in the future.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they forget the value of people around them
and
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 leads to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lack of communication if they spend too much
time
Use synonyms
 on
phone
Add an article
the phone
show examples
. In a nutshell, spending hours on the mobile phone has
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
benefits and deficiencies
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
children
Use synonyms
. Personally,
cons
Correct article usage
the cons
show examples
 overweight
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
show examples
 due to the lack of qualification to
management
Add an article
the management
show examples
 of
time
Use synonyms
. It should be controlled by parents by having
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
outdoor activities and family
time
Use synonyms
 in balance.
Submitted by khinethazin173 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: