IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic. Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves? Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and with relevant evidence.

#argument #case #reader #specialist #topic #nations #wealth #food #education #responsibility #governments #citizens #support #arguments #evidence
It is generally seen that the wealthy
nations
becomes
Change the verb form
become
show examples
 more wealthy and
likewise
 poor
nations
 are becoming
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
poorer. There is an argument about
this
 as some people say that the wealthy
nations
 should support the poor
nations
 in terms of
food
 and
education
 whereas others believe that the citizens should be taken care
by
Change preposition
of by
show examples
 their own governments.
This
 essay discusses
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the above statement.
Firstly
, Investment
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 developing countries
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 beneficial for wealthy countries. They need to support poor countries not by investing but by aiding them in terms of
food
 and
education
.
For Example
, the massive seaport is constructed by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
China in Srilanka on 100 years duty holder basis.
This
help
Wrong verb form
helped
show examples
 China to establish
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 market and it is not beneficial for Srilanka. At the same time, France provides
education
 aid to Syria which will help Syria to build
educated
Correct article usage
an educated
show examples
 future
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
. At the same time, governments should act wisely to enhance their economy rather
depending
Correct word choice
than depending
show examples
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wealthy
nations
. Citizens should be provided with
food
 and proper
education
 which is a basic duty of a government. Relaying
aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
show examples
 from wealthy
nations
 is not the right approach and the economic system will collapse if a nation
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
depend
Add the preposition
ondepend
show examples
 another country.
For example
, the evacuation of the American army, who were funding Afghanistan has resulted in Afghanistan's economic crisis. To summarise, It is a good approach to receive
aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
show examples
 from a wealthy nation for
food
 and
education
however
as
Change preposition
from
show examples
 a
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
 sustainability point of view, governments should take initiatives to build a strong economy
Correct your spelling
in order
show examples
inorder
Correct your spelling
in order
show examples
 to be independent in serving basic needs to their citizens.
Submitted by bilujohn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: