Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are theadvantages and disadvantages for the child having a large number of toys?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The world today is very developed. Many policies have been introduced to create
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
equality
Use synonyms
,and
fairness
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
society
Use synonyms
. Some
people
Use synonyms
think
universities
Use synonyms
should accept
equal
Change the article
an equal
the equal
show examples
number of
Correct your spelling
male and
maleand
Correct your spelling
male and
female
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
in every subject.
Other
Correct pronoun usage
Others
show examples
believe
that is
Linking Words
an unacceptable policy. But for me,
fairness
Use synonyms
and
equality
Use synonyms
should suitable for every situation
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
society
Use synonyms
. With the
first
Linking Words
opinion
Use synonyms
, the acceptance of some
people
Use synonyms
to create
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
equality
Use synonyms
in
universities
Use synonyms
is
Correct your spelling
an opinion
anopinion
Correct your spelling
an opinion
that upholds human rights and
equality
Use synonyms
, not
fairness
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
believe that
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
Correct your spelling
and female
andfemale
Correct your spelling
and females
should
equal
Add a missing verb
be equal
show examples
together in
universities
Use synonyms
. The
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
of male and female students in
everymajor
Correct your spelling
every major
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
Use synonyms
equality
Replace the word
equal
show examples
as well. That
opinion
Use synonyms
it
Remove the pronoun
apply
show examples
helps to promote gender
equality
Use synonyms
. Especially, women
Correct your spelling
in universities
universities
inuniversities
Correct your spelling
in universities
are fighting for women’s right to take up space in
society
Use synonyms
are fighting to take up space and the leader should
given
Change the verb form
give
be given
show examples
opportunities
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
them.
In addition
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
believe that the most important
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
show examples
which employers are looking for is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
leadership. It is something that has been lacking and that
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
social taboos for a very long time in the world.
However
Linking Words
, if women have good leadership skills, social taboos can be eliminated. With the
second
Linking Words
opinion
Use synonyms
,
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
believe
that is
Linking Words
an unacceptable policy. It is an
opinion
Use synonyms
that upholds
fairness
Use synonyms
not
Add the comma(s)
,not
show examples
equality
Use synonyms
.
Instead
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the policy can
be increase
Change the verb form
increase
show examples
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
show examples
rate. There are industries that more suitable for men like
construction
Add an article
the construction
show examples
industry and there are industries that
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
suitable for women like tourism. That makes
universities
Use synonyms
should not accept equal numbers of male and female students in every
subjects
Change to a singular noun
subject
show examples
. It is
Use synonyms
fairness
Replace the word
fair
show examples
because some industries require physical strength and that
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
suitable for
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
. As a
results
Correct the article-noun agreement
result
show examples
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employers can not recruit the
people
Use synonyms
they are looking for and that can
be increase
Change the verb form
increase
show examples
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
show examples
rate. In the
other hand
Change the wording
another hand
other hands
show examples
, the acceptance of some
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
create unfairness in
society
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the student can choose the major that they wanted to and they should choose the major that they
not wanted
Change the verb form
did not want
have not wanted
show examples
to. In conclusion, I disagree with accepting an equal number of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
in every subject. I believe that if
Add an article
a university
show examples
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
with
fairness
Use synonyms
and
equality
Use synonyms
always go together, the world will be better.
Submitted by shin.le1988 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: