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Band 4.5

growth of online shopping will be the closing reason of all shops in cities and towns, do you agree or disagree

#growth #reason #shops #cities #towns
It is hard to deny that increasing online shopping is more and more popular among young
people
 nowadays, so I partly agree that
this
 would be one of the reasons for the closing reason of all shops in cities and towns. On the one hand , making purchases online would be less
time
-consuming and more convenient.
people
 living in a
fierce
Change the adjective
fiercely
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 competitive world since technology
development
Replace the word
developed
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 in a way faster than we could imagine,which means that all
the
Correct article usage
apply
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things
 have to be finished in a limited
time
 so that
people
 are able to handle their work and life well , to be specific ,if
people
 by all the
things
 in the practical
shop
, they have to cost
time
 in the transportation and the communication with the clerk as well as compare with other
shopsshop
Correct your spelling
shops shop
 so that could absolutely spend more
time
 than just click on the button online to select and pay in a few minutes without going out.
On the other hand
 , online shopping is a more economical way to buy
things
 we need or like. As online shopping indeed
offer
Correct subject-verb agreement
offers
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 a cheaper choice for us since the online
shop
 does not need to pay rent or hire many
people
 , which could save a lot of money
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the price would be cheaper
although
 they still could make a profit from the products. and
this
 mould definitely satisfied lots of
people
 so that they are unwilling to pay more money in a practical
shop
.
Last
 but not least , online shopping actually has some shortcomings,
such
 as the delay of shipment or the unmatching picture which lead to returning goods would surely cost more
time
 and money for
people
 , especially for those who would need to use the product right away,
such
 as
people
 would hurry for some ingredient for cooking or clothes for travelling, they would more likely to buy
such
things
 in the neighbourhood. So I would like to say that the fast growth of online shopping certainly would replace part of the practical
shop
 , but not all the practical shops would replace by online
shop
Fix the agreement mistake
shops
show examples
 unless they are providing poor quality products and
open
Add a missing verb
are open
show examples
 far away from where
people
 live.
Submitted by 956085982 on

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    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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