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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

growth of online shopping will be the closing reason of all shops in cities and towns, do you agree or disagree

#growth #reason #shops #cities #towns
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It is hard to deny that increasing online shopping is more and more popular among young
people
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 nowadays, so I partly agree that
this
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 would be one of the reasons for the closing reason of all shops in cities and towns. On the one hand , making purchases online would be less
time
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-consuming and more convenient.
people
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 living in a
fierce
Change the adjective
fiercely
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 competitive world since technology
development
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developed
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 in a way faster than we could imagine,which means that all
the
Correct article usage
apply
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things
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 have to be finished in a limited
time
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 so that
people
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 are able to handle their work and life well , to be specific ,if
people
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 by all the
things
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 in the practical
shop
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, they have to cost
time
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 in the transportation and the communication with the clerk as well as compare with other
shopsshop
Correct your spelling
shops shop
 so that could absolutely spend more
time
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 than just click on the button online to select and pay in a few minutes without going out.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , online shopping is a more economical way to buy
things
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 we need or like. As online shopping indeed
offer
Correct subject-verb agreement
offers
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 a cheaper choice for us since the online
shop
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 does not need to pay rent or hire many
people
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 , which could save a lot of money
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the price would be cheaper
although
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 they still could make a profit from the products. and
this
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 mould definitely satisfied lots of
people
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 so that they are unwilling to pay more money in a practical
shop
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.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least , online shopping actually has some shortcomings,
such
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 as the delay of shipment or the unmatching picture which lead to returning goods would surely cost more
time
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 and money for
people
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 , especially for those who would need to use the product right away,
such
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 as
people
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 would hurry for some ingredient for cooking or clothes for travelling, they would more likely to buy
such
Linking Words
things
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 in the neighbourhood. So I would like to say that the fast growth of online shopping certainly would replace part of the practical
shop
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 , but not all the practical shops would replace by online
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shop
Fix the agreement mistake
shops
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 unless they are providing poor quality products and
open
Add a missing verb
are open
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 far away from where
people
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 live.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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