IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many students find it difficult to focus or pay attention at school nowadays. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?

#students #focus #attention #school
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Schools
plays
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play
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 an important role
for
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in
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development
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the development
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 of our brain. Nowadays a large number of
Add an article
the student
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student
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students
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 feel that it
hard
Add a missing verb
is hard
show examples
 to concentrate and they are not able to give
full
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their full
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 attention in
schools
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school
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. In
this
 essay, I will outline what is the potential reasons for
this
 particular problem and what we can do
for
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to
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resolve
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resolving
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this
. There is a lot of reasons that Student are not able to concentrate in
schools
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school
show examples
, the major reason is
Add an article
a smart
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smart phone
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smartphone
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 with social
media
.
Obviousely
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Obviously
, when these kids use Smartphones they not only watch
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videos
vidoes
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videos
 online but
also
 waste a lot of
time
in
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on
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 social
media
.
As a result
, they
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lose
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loose
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lose
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 their concentration which
hinder
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hinders
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in
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apply
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their close attention.
for instance
, a study has concluded that everyone these days has
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a problem
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problem
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problems
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about
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with
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 concentration
cause
Correct word choice
because
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 they are spending a lot of
time
 in front of
the
Correct article usage
a
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 mobile screen. Another
reasons
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reason
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 is that nowadays these juveniles are very enthusiastic, they want to get everything in their life very early.
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therefore
therfore
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Therefore
,
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instead
insted
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instead
 of living in present with
full
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the full
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 attention they waste their precious
time
 thinking about
future
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the future
show examples
.
On the other hand
, to resolve these problems public and
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 both should have to perform their duties
otherwise
 it will be a disaster for
Add an article
a student
the student
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 in future.
for
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To
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Change the verb form
resolving
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resolve
Add a comma
,resolve
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this
 problem parents need to keep eye on their kids and let them know that they should not spend their precious
time
 spending on scrolling
facebook
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Facebook
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 and
instagram
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Instagram
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.
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government
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The goverment
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goverment
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government
 should work with these social
media
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companies
compnies
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companies
 and make some
restriction
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restrictions
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of
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on
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 using these
platfarms
Correct your spelling
platforms
. In conclusion, despite the ubiquity of mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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, if parents and government take stick action against social
media
 applications they can do
a
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apply
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great care of their
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children
childrent
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children
 and citizen.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • distractions
  • focus
  • pay attention
  • lack of interest
  • motivation
  • fatigue
  • sleep
  • classroom environment
  • teaching methods
  • technology addiction
  • social media
  • peer pressure
  • workload
  • support
  • active learning strategies
  • engaging
  • student-centered teaching
  • realistic goals
  • rewards
  • balanced lifestyle
  • screen time
  • breaks
  • physical activity
  • support and guidance
What to do next:
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