IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Sugary drinks should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#drinks #people #sugar
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many
people
Use synonyms
 argue that prices of
drinks
Use synonyms
 that contain sugar should be increased to stimulate everyone to spend less on these products. In my opinion,
however
Linking Words
, even though
this
Linking Words
 measure is correct, I believe that
health
Use synonyms
 education is better to prevent
people
Use synonyms
 from drinking sugary products. On the one hand, higher prices of soft
drinks
Use synonyms
 can reduce the rate of consumption in these categories. It can be explained by the fact that the cost of living nowadays is climbing rapidly. To be more specific,
people
Use synonyms
 need money for basic needs
such
Linking Words
 as paying school fees, gas, food, and so on. For that reason, they are not willing to use their budget for something unnecessarily exorbitant like carbonated
drinks
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, the monthly salary of a Vietnamese household falls to approximately $800 a month. Spending on food and childcare already costs half of their incomes.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they are not likely to spend the rest of their money on sugary
drinks
Use synonyms
 because they will have no more money left.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, teaching
people
Use synonyms
 the detrimental effects of soft
drinks
Use synonyms
 on their
health
Use synonyms
 is more beneficial to deter them from consuming less sugar. It is widely acknowledged that sugary products result in chronic diseases including diabetes and obesity. If everyone is approached with
this
Linking Words
 information, they will consume fewer fizzy
drinks
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, children at schools should be taught how bad sugar-based
drinks
Use synonyms
 are for their well-being. What is more, they should be guided on when to drink and what amount is sufficient.
Hence
Linking Words
, kids will have a foundation of
health
Use synonyms
 and their awareness will be raised. In conclusion, even though expensive sugar-based
drinks
Use synonyms
 can reduce
people
Use synonyms
’s consumption, I believe that
health
Use synonyms
 education will be a better method to tackle
this
Linking Words
 issue.
Submitted by phamduchien711 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sugary drinks, sugar-sweetened beverages, soft drinks
  • Health consequences, obesity, diabetes, dental health
  • Government intervention, public health, deterrent
  • Sin taxes, levies, fiscal policies
  • Equity, accessibility, low-income communities
  • Consumer behavior, dietary habits
  • Education campaigns, public awareness
  • Beverage industry, economic impact
  • Paternalism, autonomy, personal choice
  • Global trends, international policies
What to do next:
Look at other essays: