IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drinks products contain a high level of sugar, causing health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drinks #products #level #sugar #health #people
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Nowadays, the majority of people are trying to avoid sugar, because it is in almost every food product we buy from the stores and it is no secret that almost everyone consumes more sugar than they should. Everything would be fine except sugar can cause a lot of health problems and
that is
Linking Words
 why individuals are trying to create ways to stop them. One idea is to make sugary
products
Use synonyms
 more pricey
,
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apply
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 so that human beings would choose cheaper healthy
products
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. On one
hand
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,hand
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this
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 would be a very good idea for those who are diabetic or trying to lose weight
,
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apply
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 because they would actually have to buy healthy
products
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 like fruits
,
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apply
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 because they would not want to splash their
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hard-earned
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hard earned
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hard-earned
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 money.
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Also
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,Also
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 it would be beneficial
,
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apply
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 because there would be
less
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fewer
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 health problems caused by sugary
products
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.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
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,hand
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 there are people
who
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whom
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 just fancy eating sugary
products
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 and it makes them happier. They get used to it and it is an irreplaceable part of their daily life.
For
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example
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,example
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 there are people who just enjoy having gummy bears before they go to sleep and in my
eyes
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,eyes
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 there is nothing wrong with that
and
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apply
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I disagree, that because of those who are trying to lose weight, others should pay more for their
late night
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late-night
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 snacks. In
conclusion
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,conclusion
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 I understand why sugary
products
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 could be made more expensive, but I certainly disagree with
this
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 suggestion and in my
opinion
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,opinion
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 it is not fair to others who just enjoy eating sugary food and it makes their lives happier.
Submitted by oimigle on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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