IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe it is essential to include physical education classes in the curriculum for all school-age children. Others think that children's time is better spent on more academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #education #classes #curriculum #children #time #subjects
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays public debate has been going on over whether it is essential to include physical
education
 classes in the curriculum for all
school
 students. Some believe that physical
education
 is vital for young people. Others disagree and claim that children's time is better spent on more academic subjects. I would agree with active childhood advocators.
Firstly
, many parents expect that in
school
 kids would be encouraged to do some physically active tasks, because of their apparent health benefits.
Such
 as strengthening bones and muscles, and managing weight.
In addition
, it is proven that daily sport-related activities help to reduce stress and anxiety. These days society faces a high rate of teen depression, which can only be beaten not by putting a lot of academic pressure on teens but by letting them unleash in the gym.
On the other hand
, some people believe that for a child's future the most important thing is his academic achievements.
Thus
, exercising at
school
 is unnecessary and only takes away the time that could be spent on studying.
In addition
, some say that students after physical
education
 lessons can not concentrate on other subjects that follow. In the past few years, as national exam results got worse more and more people are advocating for additional maths and native language lessons. In order to do that there has been a suggestion that physical
education
 lessons should be written
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the core curriculum. In conclusion, though there is a claim that sports at
school
 don't do much good for students I believe physical
education
 is essential for every
school
-age child. Because it's been proven to help reduce stress and make teens feel stronger and more physically capable.
Submitted by oimigle on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: