Individual greed and selfishness has been the basis of the modern society. Some people think that we must return to the older and more traditional values of respect for the family and the local community in order to create a better world to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#selfishness #basis #society #people #values #respect #community #world

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Nowadays, lots of

people

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Correct your spelling

tend

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trend

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tend

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to care about things of themselves. Some

people

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believe that traditional

society

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is better.

However

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, whether or not

return

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to return

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to the older values of respect for the family and community is a controversial issue. I deeply disagree with

this

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idea. It is clear that the current

society

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is more

activity

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active

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than before.

That

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Unnecessary verb

apply

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means that with improving technology,

human’s

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human

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life is better than before.

People

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who

living

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live

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this

Linking Words

world

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can feel more

convenience

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convenient

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, safe and happy.

For example

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people

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can buy everything they want at home without

Wrong verb form

going

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to the supermarket.

People

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can travel

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apply

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everywhere in one day.

People

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also

Linking Words

can make an appointment with a doctor

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via

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internet

Correct article usage

the internet

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Therefore

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, nowadays, the

world

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that all the

people

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living in is better than the old

society

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. Maybe nobody

want

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wants

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to return to the old one.

Moreover

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people

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need to care about their own things.

Such

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as jobs, environment and family. Since they are living in a full of

competitive

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the competitive

a competitive

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world

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. Especially young

people

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who have strong pressure.

This

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not means

people

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are individual

greed

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greedy

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and

selfishness

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selfish

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. Lots of

people

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like to deliver aid to others when they really need help.

For instance

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, Japan happened an earthquake in 2011,

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and a

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lot of

people

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around

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world

Add an article

the world

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sent

foods

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food

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and water to Japan. The traditional values

shows

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show

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respect for the family and community, but too

much

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many

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rules lat the

society

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cannot improve. In conclusion,

although

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the older and more traditional values have

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an advantage

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advantage

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advantages

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espect

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aspect

. We should look forward and believe with technology increasing and higher educational

level

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levels

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, the

world

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must be

more and more better

Change the word

better and better

better

show examples

Submitted by kevin. B on Tue Oct 25 2022

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

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‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

268 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

modern society
traditional values
familial bonds
community ties
collective well-being
individual gain
responsibility
care for others
neglect
isolation
honesty
respect
cooperation
individual greed
ethical conduct
social cohesion
crime rates
mental health
general happiness

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Individual greed and selfishness has been the basis of the modern society. Some people think that we must return to the older and more traditional values of respect for the family and the local community in order to create a better world to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones.Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

The practice of illegally hunting wild animals continues to cause concern in many countries, particularly developing countries. What are the causes of such hunting? What are the effects on the animals, and on the wider human society in these countries and beyond?

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods. This is having a negative effect on both families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?