Individual greed and selfishness has been the basis of the modern society. Some people think that we must return to the older and more traditional values of respect for the family and the local community in order to create a better world to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#selfishness #basis #society #people #values #respect #community #world

Nowadays, lots of

people

Correct your spelling

tend

show examples

trend

Correct your spelling

tend

show examples

to care about things of themselves. Some

people

believe that traditional

society

is better.

However

, whether or not

return

Fix the infinitive

to return

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to the older values of respect for the family and community is a controversial issue. I deeply disagree with

this

idea. It is clear that the current

society

is more

activity

Replace the word

active

show examples

than before.

That

Unnecessary verb

apply

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means that with improving technology,

human’s

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human

show examples

life is better than before.

People

who

living

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live

show examples

this

world

can feel more

convenience

Replace the word

convenient

show examples

, safe and happy.

For example

people

can buy everything they want at home without

Wrong verb form

going

show examples

to the supermarket.

People

can travel

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apply

show examples

everywhere in one day.

People

also

can make an appointment with a doctor

Change preposition

via

show examples

internet

Correct article usage

the internet

show examples

Therefore

, nowadays, the

world

that all the

people

living in is better than the old

society

. Maybe nobody

want

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wants

show examples

to return to the old one.

Moreover

people

need to care about their own things.

Such

as jobs, environment and family. Since they are living in a full of

competitive

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the competitive

a competitive

show examples

world

. Especially young

people

who have strong pressure.

This

not means

people

are individual

greed

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greedy

show examples

and

selfishness

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selfish

show examples

. Lots of

people

like to deliver aid to others when they really need help.

For instance

, Japan happened an earthquake in 2011,

Correct word choice

and a

show examples

lot of

people

around

world

Add an article

the world

show examples

sent

foods

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food

show examples

and water to Japan. The traditional values

shows

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show

show examples

respect for the family and community, but too

much

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many

show examples

rules lat the

society

cannot improve. In conclusion,

although

the older and more traditional values have

Correct article usage

an advantage

show examples

advantage

Fix the agreement mistake

advantages

show examples

espect

Correct your spelling

aspect

. We should look forward and believe with technology increasing and higher educational

level

Fix the agreement mistake

levels

show examples

, the

world

must be

more and more better

Change the word

better and better

better

show examples

Submitted by kevin. B on Tue Oct 25 2022

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I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

268 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

modern society
traditional values
familial bonds
community ties
collective well-being
individual gain
responsibility
care for others
neglect
isolation
honesty
respect
cooperation
individual greed
ethical conduct
social cohesion
crime rates
mental health
general happiness

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Individual greed and selfishness has been the basis of the modern society. Some people think that we must return to the older and more traditional values of respect for the family and the local community in order to create a better world to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Computers and AI technology are increasingly used for online education. Can artificial intelligence enhance the learning experience? Is this a positive or negative development?

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance Discuss both views and give your opinion.

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.