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Band 4

Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree?

#say #people #age #work
In the present
age
, there has been much debate concerning the fact that the
age
 at which
people
 retire should be raised considerably
,
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 since human beings are living much longer. Some
people
 believe it is convenient to put a higher
age
 considering
retirement
, whereas many others believe that it should stay the same.
First
 of all, it is important to take into
a
Correct article usage
apply
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consideration a great human feeling of
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
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 when you are working for a
society
’s future. To be more exact, since the old times an individual felt the need to contribute to
the
Correct article usage
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society
, developing a sense of
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 own value in the world.
For instance
, when feeling
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 connection with
society
Add an article
the society
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 a person is becoming more capable and concentrated on work, expending their own knowledge and enlarging a mindset. The other great apparent merit worth mentioning is the point that making a raise in
retirement
age
 would generate more money.
This
 is due to the fact that there would be less requirement on providing money to the ones, who are not in specific need
for
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of
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 that yet. It ensures more opportunities for financial investments for a government, making it possible to concentrate the money on other spheres.
In contrast
, it could be said that some
people
 feel like in
retirement
age
 they would be more able to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 their dreams and relax from the stress they have experienced while working. Mostly the reason for
this
 is the stressful life in modern
society
, making individuals more exhausted.
Consequently
, many humans believe that when the
retirement
age
 comes the pressure would instantly disappear. More free time leads to more goals
accomplishments
Correct word choice
and accomplishments
show examples
,
for example
, more time for hobbies like
traveling
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travelling
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, reading, cooking, all the things that you
was
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were
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 not able to accomplish due to
the
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apply
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hard work. All in all, the
raise
Correct your spelling
rise
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 of
age
retirement
 would lead to
the
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a
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 great deal of advantages both for the government and
society
,
there
Correct word choice
but there
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 is still a large
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of
people
 who believe it is better to keep it the same.
Submitted by dominikskorbus on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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