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Band 5.5

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

#music #world #country
It is true that nowadays various types of
music
 are existing. Analyzing
requirements
Correct article usage
the requirements
show examples
 of
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 morality, to listen
music
 is one of the basic activities which is humanity needs it.
First
 of all, besom is a necessary thing for
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
,
for
instance
Add a comma
,instance
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 it contains comforting. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
view of the fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 it has an immediate
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 subconscious and while listening
music
Change preposition
to music
show examples
, it is capable to forget some negatives.
Secondly
, to hear something
such
 as
melody
Correct article usage
a melody
show examples
 creates
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
show examples
 feeding for our morality.
For example
,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rhythm, especially
a
Remove the article
music
a piece of music
show examples
music
 is a treatment
ways
Change the noun form
way
show examples
 that we utilize
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to heal our
soul
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souls
show examples
.
Furthermore
 to
listen
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tolisten
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 a song,
in
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apply
show examples
particularly melancholy
music
 provides
easily
Change the adverb
easy
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 adaptation for reading something else. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it influences straight to
human
Add an article
the human
show examples
 mind and
this
 helps to get lessons as easy as possible while sharing
refresh
Correct article usage
a refresh
show examples
 and
relax
Wrong verb form
relaxing
show examples
 stage in our brain.
In addition
, in
up-to-date
Add an article
the up-to-date
show examples
 period there are more and various means of
musics
Change the wording
music
kinds of music
pieces of music
show examples
 which
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 been released via
vary
Replace the word
various
show examples
 technology
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
such
 as on radio,
telephone
Correct word choice
and telephone
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. Even though each passing day is created innovative
music
 type,
traditional
Add an article
the traditional
a traditional
show examples
song
Fix the agreement mistake
songs
show examples
 can not beat
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
international
music
.
For instance
, traditional besom demonstrates a culture of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 countryside.
Therefore
,
preference
Correct article usage
a preference
show examples
an international
Remove the article
international music
a piece of international music
show examples
music
instead
 of national melody can lead to the destruction of one of the main
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 of
cultures
Fix the agreement mistake
culture
show examples
.
That is
 why
music
Add an article
the music
show examples
 of folk is dominated more than
international
Add an article
an international
the international
show examples
song
Fix the agreement mistake
songs
show examples
.
Add the punctuation
,Yo
show examples
Correct your spelling
To
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Yo
Correct your spelling
To
show examples
 summarize,
humans
Add the comma(s)
,humans
show examples
 need
music
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 for healing mental issues and refresh
Correct pronoun usage
their soul
show examples
soul
Fix the agreement mistake
souls
show examples
. Even though there are some personal preferences, traditional songs are much more significant in recent periods too.
Submitted by nubar_hasannzada on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional release
  • cultural significance
  • globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • technology
  • preservation
  • cultural heritage
  • social cohesion
  • expression
  • consumption
  • production
  • traditional music
  • international music
  • diversity
  • identity
What to do next:
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