Outline the details of your future aspirations and how your Monash degree will help you achieve your vision.* You can explain how previous leadership roles or community activities have informed this vision. This statement should not focus on your academic achievements or the financial benefit of the scholarship. Your statement must not exceed 500 words

#outline #future #aspirations #monash #vision #leadership #roles #community #activities #focus #achievements #benefit #scholarship

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

I’m Emily ,hello. Beginning in the

first

Linking Words

semester in February 2023, I'll be enrolling in biomedical sciences.

First

Linking Words

of all, I'm a Buddhist and a polyglot. I am exposed to several cultures because Malaysia is a multiracial nation,

thus

Linking Words

I can speak numerous languages. If I find that I can go to Australia to study for my

degree

Use synonyms

and learn about the various cultures there, I will

also

Linking Words

be absolutely delighted.

Besides

Linking Words

, Malaysia has a tropical climate which is summer the whole year. I

Add the comma(s)

, therefore,

show examples

therefore

Linking Words

hope to experience the many seasons in Australia, including winter, autumn, and spring. I had two significant leadership positions in high

school

Use synonyms

. At a local high

school

Use synonyms

, I served as both the vice

president

Use synonyms

of the Red Crescent Moon and the

president

Use synonyms

of the English club. The highest leadership role a secondary student may hold is

president

Use synonyms

of the English Club, and as you can guess, that post carries a lot of responsibility. I

also

Linking Words

excelled in

school

Use synonyms

and had to consider my every move because I set an example for the other kids. As vice

president

Use synonyms

of the Red Crescent Moon, I was responsible for instructing our junior members on how to treat various scrapes, bruises, and cramps our

school

Use synonyms

would host a lot of sporting events. We'll participate in

this

Linking Words

sporting event, watch from the sidelines, and be ready whenever someone gets injured. In

this

Linking Words

position, I learned that I did experience enjoyment when assisting others in bandaging a wound and watching how she or they recovered from it.

This

Linking Words

inspired me to get a

degree

Use synonyms

because I wanted to perform more research to discover new ways to treat people and to witness an increasing number of individuals recover from illness. I decided to pursue

this

Linking Words

degree

Use synonyms

because I found biology, whether it be in human or animal form, or bacteria and medicine, was really fascinating and I wanted to learn more about it in depth. As many people across the country die from AIDS or cancer, I'm really interested in

this

Linking Words

field. In order for people like us to live longer and be free from

this

Linking Words

illness, I decided to investigate a cure for it. I hope that my studies for

this

Linking Words

degree

Use synonyms

will enhance human lifestyle in a variety of other ways, reducing the number of individuals who pass away from diseases of all kinds.

Submitted by emilylim48 on Wed Oct 26 2022

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

395 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

8
band
Some people believe that robots will play an important role in future societies, while others argue that robots might have negative effects on society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
One school of thought holds that robots will be an integral part of our communities, while others believe that could be fraught with pitfalls in the times to come. This essay attempts to shed light on both perspectives before concluding that I am in favour of the former notion.
4.5
band
Some people think that too much money has been spent looking after and repairing old buildings, so we should knock down old buildings and build modern ones instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some people thinks that rebuilding old building or invest money to reconstruct old age household structure is very good choice to invest money. But in my opinion am fully Disagree with the statement. In the forthcoming paragraph I explain why investing money is not beneficial for our environment and for people.
5.5
band
Food travels thousands of miles from farmers to consumers. Some people think that it would be better for our environment and economy if people consumed locally produced foods. To what extent do the advantages of this would outweigh the disadvantages?
In recent years, progresses in transportation have diminished the impacts of physical barriers, which opens the accessibility to broader resources. This change also impacted on food travels. While foods are being transport in long distances, some argue that this change is lack of environmental and economical considerations. In my point of view, I agree with the negative impacts on our surroundings, but I also believe that it posses certain advantages.
6.5
band
As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual welbeing. What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?
Many people spend a major part of their life at work, job satisfaction is a crucial item of personal wellbeing. There are many factors that influence have pleasant job and these expectations must be realistic.
5.5
band
In many countries, the qualities of life in large cities is becoming worse. What are the cause for this problem? What measure should be taken to tackle this problem?
In recent years, the quality of life in large cities has undoubtedly deteriorated. The primary cause of this issue is overpopulation. People are drawn to urban areas rather than the countryside for several reasons, including better job opportunities and superior facilities. However, this influx of people leads to negative impacts such as traffic congestion, air and water pollution, and a high cost of living, all of which contribute to a declining quality of life.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Some people believe that robots will play an important role in future societies, while others argue that robots might have negative effects on society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that too much money has been spent looking after and repairing old buildings, so we should knock down old buildings and build modern ones instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Food travels thousands of miles from farmers to consumers. Some people think that it would be better for our environment and economy if people consumed locally produced foods. To what extent do the advantages of this would outweigh the disadvantages?

As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual welbeing. What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?

In many countries, the qualities of life in large cities is becoming worse. What are the cause for this problem? What measure should be taken to tackle this problem?