Outline the details of your future aspirations and how your Monash degree will help you achieve your vision.* You can explain how previous leadership roles or community activities have informed this vision. This statement should not focus on your academic achievements or the financial benefit of the scholarship. Your statement must not exceed 500 words

#outline #future #aspirations #monash #vision #leadership #roles #community #activities #focus #achievements #benefit #scholarship

I’m Emily ,hello. Beginning in the

first

semester in February 2023, I'll be enrolling in biomedical sciences.

First

of all, I'm a Buddhist and a polyglot. I am exposed to several cultures because Malaysia is a multiracial nation,

thus

I can speak numerous languages. If I find that I can go to Australia to study for my

degree

and learn about the various cultures there, I will

also

be absolutely delighted.

Besides

, Malaysia has a tropical climate which is summer the whole year. I

Add the comma(s)

, therefore,

show examples

therefore

hope to experience the many seasons in Australia, including winter, autumn, and spring. I had two significant leadership positions in high

school

. At a local high

school

, I served as both the vice

president

of the Red Crescent Moon and the

president

of the English club. The highest leadership role a secondary student may hold is

president

of the English Club, and as you can guess, that post carries a lot of responsibility. I

also

excelled in

school

and had to consider my every move because I set an example for the other kids. As vice

president

of the Red Crescent Moon, I was responsible for instructing our junior members on how to treat various scrapes, bruises, and cramps our

school

would host a lot of sporting events. We'll participate in

this

sporting event, watch from the sidelines, and be ready whenever someone gets injured. In

this

position, I learned that I did experience enjoyment when assisting others in bandaging a wound and watching how she or they recovered from it.

This

inspired me to get a

degree

because I wanted to perform more research to discover new ways to treat people and to witness an increasing number of individuals recover from illness. I decided to pursue

this

degree

because I found biology, whether it be in human or animal form, or bacteria and medicine, was really fascinating and I wanted to learn more about it in depth. As many people across the country die from AIDS or cancer, I'm really interested in

this

field. In order for people like us to live longer and be free from

this

illness, I decided to investigate a cure for it. I hope that my studies for

this

degree

will enhance human lifestyle in a variety of other ways, reducing the number of individuals who pass away from diseases of all kinds.

Submitted by emilylim48 on Wed Oct 26 2022

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

395 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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