IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes ( for example working for charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to young children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programmes #charity #neighbourhood #sports #children
It is argued that must-do free social
service
 should be a mandatory part of the school curriculum. Proponents of
this
 claim strongly
advocates
Change the verb form
advocate
show examples
this
 viewpoint because of the benefits it brings to pupils.
However
, in my perspective,
Correct your spelling
non-paid
show examples
non- paid
Correct your spelling
non-paid
show examples
 social
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
 should be
voluntarily
Replace the adverb
voluntary
show examples
. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will discuss why, in my opinion, high school students’
service
 to communities is a great idea,
although
 should not be compulsory. To start with, the major part of students are overstressed with the scope of their academic work. Nowadays pupils hardly find time to relax their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 and body.
Therefore
, obligatory social activities will overload them even more. According to
recent
Add an article
a recent
show examples
 survey made in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
, academic workload and critical time pressure
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to depression
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 high school youth.
On the other hand
, social activity should be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
voluntary
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Thus
, whoever has
energy
Correct article usage
the energy
show examples
 and motivation to be socially engaged, should be allowed to do so.
Such
 activities give happiness and satisfaction to the mind only when they are done with
heart
Correct article usage
the heart
show examples
.
Forced
Add a missing verb
Being forced
show examples
 to do activities ruin the purpose of
this
 kind of exercise and take away
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
task satisfaction. If students are asked to do
compulsory
Correct article usage
a compulsory
show examples
 charitable
endeavor
Fix the agreement mistake
endeavors
show examples
 they will do it without any involvement, just for the sake of doing it.
This
 will make them unhappy and ultimately turn them to develop negative thoughts about social
service
. To conclude, I strongly believe that high schools should promote their students to take on unpaid community
service
 and
consequently
 award them for doing so.
As a result
, we would see remarkable and positive impacts
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 many of the communities.
Submitted by Allazhar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • compulsory
  • high school programmes
  • unpaid community service
  • charity
  • improving the neighbourhood
  • teaching sports
  • sense of responsibility
  • empathy
  • broader perspective
  • societal issues
  • college applications
  • job applications
  • positive impact
What to do next:
Look at other essays: