IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Although it is generally illegal, physical punishment continues in many countries. Some argue that parents should have the right to punish their children in this way. Do you agree or disagree?

#punishment #countries #argue #parents #right #children
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is hard to deny that physical
punishment
Use synonyms
 still
happen
Change the verb form
happens
show examples
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 in many countries even
it
Correct word choice
though it
show examples
 is certainly illegal which
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
lots
Fix the agreement mistake
lot
show examples
 of attention from a large proportion of people to
this
Linking Words
 topic,and there still have some
Correct your spelling
people
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 who think that they have the
right
Use synonyms
 to punish their
children
Use synonyms
. From my
perspection
Correct your spelling
perspective
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 hold a strong point that
children
Use synonyms
 should
be treat
Change the verb form
be treated
show examples
 in
correct
Add an article
the correct
a correct
show examples
way
Use synonyms
 without physical
punishment
Use synonyms
 which should be deep in everyone's mind and
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 since it
is relate
Change the verb form
is related
show examples
 to the future of the
country
Use synonyms
. On the one hand , physical
punishment
Use synonyms
 would have
strong
Add an article
a strong
show examples
 bad influence
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
hamorny
Correct your spelling
harmony
 of a
country
Use synonyms
 . To be more specific, the kids who have been
treat
Change the verb form
treating
treated
show examples
 badly when they were kids would more likely
suffering
Change the verb form
suffer
be suffering
show examples
 mental health
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 as they could not run away from
punishment
Use synonyms
 when they were young, they would have
deep
Add an article
a deep
show examples
 fear of making mistakes which means being punished in their recognition and unable to be good to themselves or others. What is more , they would unable to make a living while a company would not hire a person who can not face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
problems or get along with others normally . In the end , the individuals
Correct your spelling
undoubtedly
undoubtly
Correct your spelling
undoubtedly
 would grow up and become a
uselss
Correct your spelling
useless
 man to society and lower
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
productivity and
finally
Linking Words
 have
badlly
Correct your spelling
badly
bad
 impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the economy of the whole
country
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Punish
Wrong verb form
Punishing
show examples
children
Use synonyms
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 wrong
way
Use synonyms
 which means it could lead to a wrong
way
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 making
children
Use synonyms
 realise the truth so that they would keep making the same
Correct your spelling
mistake
mistale
Correct your spelling
mistakes
 in the future .
for example
Linking Words
. If a child
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
make
Change the verb form
made
show examples
 some mistakes and
being
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 punished in his childhood, it would be hard to distinguish if they realise they did something wrong or they are just trying to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
avoid being punished. All they would do
mabe
Correct your spelling
was
 just avoid being punished
instead
Linking Words
 of knowing why
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 are wrong. so if you let
children
Use synonyms
 stay away from the fire
otherwise
Linking Words
 they would be punished ,
children
Use synonyms
 would not
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
realise to stay away from other
danger
Fix the agreement mistake
dangers
show examples
,
Correct your spelling
such
sush
Correct your spelling
such
 as electricity.
Kid
Add an article
The kid
A kid
show examples
 would be an adult no matter what
happen
Change the verb form
happens
show examples
, and they have to
acknowlege
Correct your spelling
acknowledge
 .
this
Linking Words
 world on their own which could help them live
this
Linking Words
word
Correct your spelling
world
show examples
 better. In conclusion , I totally disagree with the point that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parent
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the
right
Use synonyms
 to punish their own
children
Use synonyms
. kids
keeper
Fix the agreement mistake
keepers
show examples
 would surely have the
right
Use synonyms
 to educate their
children
Use synonyms
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
right
Use synonyms
way
Use synonyms
, but we all know that
punishment
Use synonyms
 would be harmful to both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
mental and the body health which means that would
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
Replace the word
effective
show examples
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 the
right
Use synonyms
 of the
children
Use synonyms
 while
Use synonyms
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 should
Correct your spelling
guarantee
garantee
Correct your spelling
guarantee
 the youth
basical
Correct your spelling
basic
 safety. Actually,
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
 a suitable and healthy environment is the responsibility
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
. .
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
Submitted by 956085982 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: