IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, parents expect children to spend a long time studying in and after school and have less free time. Do you think it has positive or negative effects on children?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In some countries, parents expect children to spend a long
time
Use synonyms
 studying in and after
school
Use synonyms
 and have less free
time
Use synonyms
. Of course, parents always want
all
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 best
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their children. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 has both positive and negative effects on children, both positive and negative. The more
time
Use synonyms
 you learn, the more knowledge you gain.
This
Linking Words
 is the only positive effect. Studying at
school
Use synonyms
 gives you knowledge
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 different subjects
such
Linking Words
 as maths, literature, science,
chemistry
Correct word choice
and chemistry
show examples
. After
school
Use synonyms
, you attend other classes in different academic
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 to
studymore
Correct your spelling
study more
. Coming home, you have to do a lot of
Correct your spelling
exercise
exersise
Correct your spelling
exercise
,
homework
Correct word choice
and homework
show examples
 to practice and
then
Linking Words
 you will get high
scores
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the exams. It’s a common fact in Vietnam and other Asia countries. According to
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
 in 2022, 60% of students in Asia attend classes after
school
Use synonyms
. When the students in the research are asked why they attended these classes, they said they were preparing for their exams or studying before their lessons at
school
Use synonyms
. As
Correct your spelling
a result
aresult
Correct your spelling
a result
, they
don’t
Use synonyms
 have to study much in
school
Use synonyms
 and get high
scores
Use synonyms
. High
scores
Use synonyms
 make parents happy.
First
Linking Words
, nothing is free, we have to spend a lot of
time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
studying.
Therefore
Linking Words
, we will have less free
time
Use synonyms
 or
time
Use synonyms
 for
ourself
Correct pronoun usage
ourselves
show examples
. That makes our health weaker, both mental and physical. About the
Correct your spelling
physical
phyiscal
Correct your spelling
physical
, we will get more ills because we
don’t
Use synonyms
 do enough sports or exercises. We will get tired when we go to
school
Use synonyms
, so we won’t get quality lessons and the
scores
Use synonyms
 may be lower. About the mental, because you have been taught and you have learnt the
Correct your spelling
lessons
lesson
lessosn
Correct your spelling
lesson
 before going to
school
Use synonyms
, you will think that your teachers are boring and have bad
behaviours
Fix the agreement mistake
behaviour
show examples
 towards
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them. For that, you should remember one thing, you can be more intelligent than some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
others
Add an article
the others
show examples
;
however
Linking Words
, there are more people better than you.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a lot of people in the world are still poor and
don’t
Use synonyms
 have enough money to go to
school
Use synonyms
.
Second
Linking Words
, you will lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
social skills. Because of spending too much
time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
studying, you will spend less
time
Use synonyms
 on communication, even with your
families
Fix the agreement mistake
family
show examples
. You
don’t
Use synonyms
 know how to behave correctly. They said:”
First
Linking Words
 is
obedient
Replace the word
obedience
show examples
,
Second
Linking Words
 is knowledge” , you should balance
time
Use synonyms
 of studying and
realxing
Correct your spelling
relaxing
. In
shorts
Fix the agreement mistake
short
show examples
, studying is good, you can spend
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 on it.
However
Linking Words
, everything has two faces, so remember to balance your schedule.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: